Don’t Marry

Why Modern, Western Marriage Has Become A Bad Business Decision For Men

Marriage 2.0

with 17 comments


So You Want to Get Married?

You are here because you are thinking about getting married. Perhaps one of your friends did you a favor, and sent you here.  If you are going to be the higher-earner spouse in the marriage, then this article is for you.

Taking the Plunge

Before you take the plunge there are a few things about marriage that you need to be aware of. The institution of marriage as we know it is no more. It has undergone drastic changes in the last 50 years. What used to be a life long commitment, unbreakable barring the most severe circumstances, has been re-legislated into something new entirely thanks to the lobbying efforts of radical feminists and the divorce industry. In trying to to make divorce “fail-safe” for homemaker / lower-earner spouses, the bad ones included, they have made marriage “unsafe” for virtually everyone else.

Marriage today is a temporary union of two individuals where the exit costs are highly asymmetrical. What does that mean? It means that upon the dissolution of the marriage, one spouse generally makes off like a bandit, while the other is pushed into a life of unending poverty, abridged civil rights, and being two paychecks away from arrears, contempt, and prison.

If someone is made to suffer like that upon the divorce, you probably think that he/she deserved it. Perhaps they were a terrible spouse? Perhaps they cheated? If only this was so. Karma, you see, has nothing to do with it. That was the case during the olden days of “fault-only” divorce when the spouse who was at fault for wrecking the marriage got penalized during the divorce. With those old divorces , if the at-fault party was the higher-earning spouse, they were made to pay alimony and surrender many marital assets over to the wronged party. Similarly, if the at-fault party was the homemaker/lower-earner spouse, then they were made to forfeit any alimony and forced to accept a smaller share of the martial assets. Morality was a big factor in who made out better and who made out worse.

Enter Marriage 2.0

During the second half of the 20th century all of the ground rules governing marriage were changed. The laws were changed to such an extent that that we can no longer call it “marriage” as it was known through the millennia. We have to distinguish this mutated institution with a new name. We will call it Marriage 2.0.

Today all that stuff about the moral carrot and stick is out of the window. Basically the higher-earner spouse is always at-fault (i.e. made to hand over assets and pay alimony), and the lower-earner spouse is always the “innocent one” (i.e. gets most of the assets and a cut of the ex’s future salaries). It doesn’t matter if the lower-earner spouse was the one having an affair or is the one filing the divorce. Therein lies the problem with modern family laws. You can be the best breadwinner spouse in the world, take good care of your family, and stay true to your marriage vows, and you will still get shafted in the divorce. It’s a suckers bet for the good guy (or the good gal).

Here are some things working against you, when you are the primary breadwinner spouse within Marriage 2.0, and your spouse decides to walk out (cash out?) on you:

  1. Women Filing Majority of Divorces – 66-75% of all divorces are now filed by wives. Publications like Cosmo love to harp on men for having a “fear of commitment”. Guys must ask themselves, why commit when it’s the other party who can’t live up to the commitment 3/4 of the time?
  2. Unilateral Divorce – This is also known as no-fault divorce, with no recourse for the other spouse. There is nothing you can do legally speaking to stop a divorce.
  3. Domestic Violence Fraud – Presumed guilty until proven innocent DV laws are now widely used as the “opening chess move” of many divorces. Once the husband is removed from the primary residence he never comes back, and she gets the primary residence in the asset split. Also known as the Federal VAWA Legislation, this new unconstitutional law has been fraudulently misused by divorcing spouses ever since it came out. There are no equivalent laws to protect men in abusive situations.
  4. Decriminalization of Adultery – Adultery is no longer a crime. However the failure to pay alimony to an adulterous spouse is. Go figure.
  5. No Custody for Dad – Custody of the children is most often awarded to the lower-earner spouse in family courts. Basically this amounts to: Goodbye Daddy, hello ATM. When you read of cases like this October 2009 case where a little boy’s mother was arrested for prostitution and his stable/employed dad was still denied custody, you quickly understand how this loaded dice always rolls.
  6. Non-enforcement of Visitation Rights – States enforce payment obligations by non-custodial parents with an iron fist, however they don’t lift a finger to enforce the other side of the bargain, which is the visitation rights of non-custodial parents. If you are going to police one parent’s obligation to pay, why not police the other parent’s obligation to allow regular meaningful access to one’s children?
  7. Children as Cashcows – The National Organization for Women (NOW) has been lobbying against Shared Parenting bills in many states. Why would NOW do that? What is more equal than shared parenting? The reason is that NOW’s brand of feminism is no longer about equality, but about a zero-sum game for resources. Children are cash-cows, and NOW will be damned if they allow Shared Parenting to stop the cash-flow.
  8. No-Fault Alimony – In many states, fault is no longer a factor in awarding alimony. So there are plenty of cases of “spouse-A cheats, but spouse-B pays”. In what other area of contract law does the party breaking the contract gets paid, and the innocent party gets punished? Only in Marriage 2.0!
  9. One Sided Alimony – Ok so the ex-wife got used to a certain standard of living, so we will make the ex-husband pay alimony. Fine. But how about the things the ex-husband got used to? Do men have a right to be “accustomed” to stuff too? If not, why not? Shouldn’t there be some sort of reciprocal reverse-alimony payment by the ex-wife in the form of weekly cleaning, a hot meal 7 nights a week, and “romantic companionship” services for the ex-husband? How come one spouse is obligated to provide something that the other was used to during the marriage, and the other isn’t obligated to provide anything? (see the Chris Rock clip below)
  10. Lifetime Alimony – Contrary to common belief, Alimony isn’t on its way out. There was a period in the 1970′s when no-fault laws were first enacted when a few states put limitations on how/when it could be awarded. However since then there have been a concerted effort by powers that be such as the influential American Law Institute (ALI) for bringing alimony back in a big way. Here is a New York Times article covering the release of a landmark 2002 ALI report which recommended broadening and deepening alimony awards across all 50 states. Right on queue there are now reports of alimony horror stories coming out from many states where the breadwinner ex-spouses are ordered to pay lifetime alimony even after medium term marriages as short as 8 years.
  11. Zombie Divorces –  This Wall Street Journal article has a good example of a zombie divorce. These are divorces that come back from the grave, like flesh eating zombies, sometimes decades after the original divorce judgement. Paul Taylor featured in the WSJ story had his ex-wife take him back to court in 2009,  27 years after the original 1982 divorce when both parties had agreed to waive all past/present/future alimony. The court reversed that 1982 divorce judgement and awarded lifetime alimony to the ex-wife. They had been divorced for longer than they had been married when this 2009 judgement reversal was rendered. It was ordered that this new alimony be deducted out of Paul Taylor’s pension and paid monthly to a woman he hadn’t even seen in three decades. Mr Taylor is now in bankruptcy and can look forward to spending his golden years working as a Greeter in Wal-Mart. Is there a zombie attack in your future?
  12. Paternity Fraud – If you didn’t catch right away that your kids aren’t really your kids but instead were “sired” by some guy that your wife was having an affair with, you are out of luck in most states. What’s worse if your cheating wife divorces you, you can bring the DNA tests to court, and you will still be forced to pay 18-23 years of child support for these kids who are some other guy’s spawn. Read this case of the Toronto man forced to pay child-support for twins that even the court acknowledged are not his. In no other area of the law do we punish the victim for the conduct of two other people

Even more shocking is this New York Times article about a Pennsylvania man ordered to keep paying child support after his adulterous wife divorced him, and married the very guy she had the affair and conceived the child with. Today the bio-father, the ex-wife, and their bio-child live together under a single roof as a biologically intact family and guess who is still paying them monthly child support? Yes, the cuckold ex-husband still has to pay every month or go to jail. You can’t make this stuff up. Even cuckold porn doesn’t get this vile.

Conclusion

Marriage 2.0 is a very unequal contract where the legal power balance both within the marriage and after the divorce is heavily biased against the primary breadwinner. Given that this is today’s legal reality why would you want to sign such a one sided contract? There are simply no benefits in marriage for a man under these Marriage 2.0 rules. None whatsoever. Ask yourself now: “What is in it for me?”. If the above hasn’t yet convinced you to avoid this mutated institution that has become a a giant legal trap, then you owe it to yourself to keep learning more about the risks of saying “I do”.

Written by dontmarry

September 17, 2010 at 5:33 pm

17 Responses

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  1. “queue” meaning a line or to get on line, should be “cue”, meaning a signal in this context. Great story, especially how young men up to now have no idea how they can get blindsided.

    Another factor that it is now culturally forbidden to bring up is how bitchy women get around menopause. Since no one talks about this, it’s a disservice to them too, since when this happens, they feel like hell, and decide it’s the husband’s fault and leave.

    This has happened to two good friends who were very amiable, kind husbands, when their wives found out they “just weren’t happy” anymore.

    scared of divorce

    September 19, 2010 at 6:50 pm

  2. I am an indian man having teerible experience of women. I am unmarried, but had enough women experience-my mom,few friends and 4 girlfriends until now. I personally think women are illogically thinking self seeking animals.

    aritra

    October 29, 2010 at 11:33 pm

  3. I like this piece. Very informative…by the way, what happens when you just live common law? like in Canada?
    Anybody knows what the laws are?

    singleness

    November 2, 2010 at 2:08 pm

  4. Taking the plunge is no longer worth it. For the price you pay for that pussy you could have bought a spot of land, a nice used RV or two some solar panels to recharge batteries and operate off of and a nice heater for cold months. You could live so frugally and be happy it isn’t funny. Have a small car to boot so you can get around. Hell, that is the life to live single and carefree rather than attached and having such a liability.

    Plasma Male

    November 28, 2010 at 12:32 pm

  5. Have kids, recognize them as your own,but NEVER, EVER, marry. Ever.

    John Doe

    June 24, 2011 at 8:21 pm

    • Better idea. Get the kids made using a donor egg, your sperm and a surrogate mother, like that you are the sole legal guardian. Using you method, you are still at risk for paternity fraud, child support, no visitation rights, false sexual abuse, physical abuse allegations and, where common law marriages apply, alimony.

      Deus

      July 9, 2011 at 7:47 am

    • The major disadvantage to your plan is that a non-married father has even fewer rights than a married father. If a man _is_ married, his odds are at least slightly better than he’ll have some legal right to be a part of his childrens’ lives.

      cerebralcaustic@gmail.com

      July 9, 2011 at 3:03 pm

    • @cerebralcaustic Exactly! So, still, you will lose your kids, your house and 30% of your salary.

      @Deus In the UK, you cannot make use of a donor egg unless you are married! And the surrogate mother can keep your child and suit you for child support! See this article:

      http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1375861/Child-custody-Couple-ordered-pay-surrogate-mother-monthly-baby-wont-meet.html

      Feminism will usher mankind into the next dark age. In the meantime, survival of men comes before reproduction.

      Jack

      July 19, 2011 at 12:31 pm

  6. […] […]

  7. […] men to get jobs, marry, raise families and generally ruin their lives given the realities of Marriage 2.0, there’s been a lack of writing as to what exactly has given rise to this generation of young and […]

    Why?… « Veritas Aculeus

    October 17, 2011 at 6:21 pm

  8. Be a man a decent woman wants and will respect. Get that ? …. Respect. Learn to give her love, yeah even during the bitchy days of the month.

    SEE A GOOD LAWYER. Up Front. Get a good prenuptial, correctly done for your state. Keep to the terms of it so her “man-hating-butch-lesbian-lawyer” can’t have it invalidated later in court.

    Don’t be an idiot about Money, a wandering eye, and get the agreement up front about how to discipline kids. Don’t short change yourself with overwork unless it’s a career temporary situation as in Medical School then residency. Don’t go into debt.

    If you live in a jurisdiction where you could be jailed for Spanking a temper-tantrum throwing 7 year old, move to a different state. The job change, household change is only a fraction of the pain of dealing with a family court where you are guilty until proven innocent.

    Make sure your business or small business assets are excluded as “marital property” or “community property” to the extent allowable by a pre-nup in your state.

    Don’t wind up like Hulk Hogan, or Mickey Rooney.

    Be Carey Grant or John Wayne or Paul Newman in A) holding on to your property and Income and B) finding a decent woman to build a life with, that’s interesting and pretty hot and willing to hold up her end of the conversation and relationship and C) get the agreement up front, to keep “other people” out of the private part of your life, money, raising kids, sex, religion. If you need to hire a referee to get any of that worked out some time, shop hard and shop carefully because those professions are a mile wide and an inch deep.

    Stick by your guns. No matter how bad it looks. If you can negotiate a truce at the worst of it to your satisfaction, a lot of times you’ll feel better later, sometimes much later, tho it could take a couple of years, that you didn’t fail at marriage or fail in keeping an intact household for the kids.

    Find a sport that you like enough to keep yourself in shape for, and buy decent clothes for yourself, a decent car for yourself and decent shoes. If you can’t afford a pair of Johnson & Murphy shoes for yourself, you can’t afford a woman & children. Stay in shape, see a dentist if you need to, and get a hair transplant if you need it. A woman that’s “interested” in you, is usually a hell of a lot more pleasant to be around, and she’s motivated to stay in shape as well. Life’s unfair, no one gets to pick their parents or their starting point or unique advantages and catastrophes along the way. Deal with it.

    If you’re fun, and you can find a woman that is fun and likes to have fun with you, things can generally work out.

    Good luck, because you’re going to need it. It’s a jungle out there and you’re going to need back up.

    PS – Want to be a serial user of women ? Free Country. Stay away from my daughters however, “because I’m the son of a bitch you really wished you hadn’t fucked with”.

    Anonymous

    December 30, 2011 at 6:42 pm

    • “because I’m the son of a bitch you really wished you hadn’t fucked with”.

      You’re my ex?

      Anonymous

      December 31, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    • Your last paragraph, and most of your post, earns you dipshit of the year 2011.

      abner

      December 31, 2011 at 5:34 pm

      • Shhh … He doesn’t know his daughters are already nude on the internet.

        Anonymous

        December 31, 2011 at 7:54 pm

  9. […] relationships Marriage 2.0: http://dontmarry.wordpress.com/2010/09/17/marriage-2-0/ Avoiding the Fate of the […]

  10. […] from an avalanche of societal ignorance. Gay Marriage is not the end of marriage. Marriage has been fatally adulterated by the cultural tides sweeping through the west long before gay marriage even took […]

  11. […] even in the case where ol’ Boy Scott is avoiding the divorce consequences of Marriage 2.0, he’s left his balls in his closet by offering no negative consequences at all to Paula. And […]


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