Don’t Marry

Why Modern, Western Marriage Has Become A Bad Business Decision For Men

Vasectomy: $400. Speechless look on her face: priceless.

with 12 comments


Vasectomy: $400. Speechless look on her face: priceless.
Date: 2007-02-06, 2:24PM PST

I’ll try to sum up a funny story that happened a few years ago:

I got a vasectomy.

I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company.

I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl.

We date for a few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she brought it up occasionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her – as I was to find out – it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully.

Four months into dating, I get the “I’m pregnant” talk. She’s going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married “for the baby”. She’s positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she’s gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity.

At this point, I’m just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse “oops” on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can’t think beyond their own uteri.

So I wait a couple of days to “think about all this.” I meet her again. I say I don’t want kids and that she should have an abortion. I know where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely batshit insane on me. There were the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was all very ugly and I was loving every minute of it.

Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends awful emails. I’m laughing hysterically.

It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing I was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notarized copy of the TWO test results indicating a “negative test result for sperm” to show I’m sterile and shooting blanks. Finally, I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman if she continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also, the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. I’m ready.

I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared.

She’s all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly – or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good sex. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. “Are you sure that this baby is mine?”

Well, she goes batshit insane again. Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about my paternity. Oh, she’s really screaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do I think she’s a slut. I’m just trying to weasel out of my responsibilities… blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I’m not really mad. I’m kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won’t shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I ask her to step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a bit. She is glaring at me with all the moral self-righteousness that only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped. She is 100% convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack through them with a few pieces of paper.

I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately.

I tell her simply, “You’re screwed”.

Her look doesn’t change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared.

I continue. “I am sterile”

Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in. Naturally, she reverts to women’s logic. “You’re full of shit. You’re trapped and you know it.”

I hold up the letter and the test results. “Three months before we met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter from him stating what I had done. Here are two test results showing that I tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine.”

This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation. “Bullshit, those are fakes.”

I was ready for that. “No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It’s a simple letter to you that states if you pursue any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist on a DNA test to prove paternity, that is, to prove that your baby is not mine.”

I give the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly, deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul that she has made a very bad mistake. With denial swept away, she started to cry. It’s a small cry at first. Then it becomes deeper and more painful. By the time she gets to the letter from the lawyer she is sobbing.

I had no sympathy for her. I turned and walked out the door. Even after I closed the door I could still hear her sobbing.

Epilogue -

I never heard directly from this woman again. I did hear through my friends that she did indeed have the baby. I also heard that the real father was some guy in a band she had met. I assumed that after 30, women stopped going after musicians, bikers, criminals, and thugs. Silly me for thinking the best of American women.

The Moral of the Story -

Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.

Written by dontmarry

March 31, 2009 at 3:26 pm

12 Responses

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  1. I like the cut of your jib, sailor.

    CC

    November 17, 2010 at 10:11 am

    • This man should have sent this to her in the mail because a woman as evil as this,could also make false rape or abuse allegations in a heart beat.

      jawnee

      November 30, 2011 at 1:02 pm

  2. This story has me lmao you should write a book.

    junniepop

    November 20, 2010 at 11:23 am

  3. My hero.

    Ted

    June 20, 2011 at 6:59 am

  4. Debating about getting a vasectomy. Your story here is one of the major reasons why I’m seriously thinking about it.

    Anonymous

    June 22, 2011 at 6:22 pm

  5. Hahahaha, you’re my hero

    Anonymous

    April 25, 2012 at 6:21 am

  6. you are my hero too.. really.. however i would not end up like this.. you was a real gentleman with honor.. but with such bitches we should hit more hard.. i would wait until she sued me.. since she may also false accuse you for sexual rape.. once we both will be by the judge.. and confirmed that she has legal sex with me without rape.. i would strike on her with such documents.. and then let her pay for me moral damages!

    aaaah.. the sweet taste of revenge in the afternoon.. :D

    Sarge

    April 25, 2012 at 7:00 am

  7. This is the best story that I have read on this site! Perfect example of a typical American womyn…..and how a man is able to protect himself!…….This guy is a MAN to be revered!….Bravo!

    Mark

    November 6, 2012 at 9:29 pm

  8. Great stuff man!! more men should smarten up like this after all women do not need a man!:)

    runb4itstolate

    November 6, 2012 at 9:42 pm

  9. This story was interesting AND funny. Funny in the ironic sort of way. You are both douchebags and deserve eachother. It’s a shame that the two of you aren’t “together” any more because some poor fucktard is going to end up with her and some poor dingbat will end up with you. Glad you had a vasectomy though… At least there’ll be no Douchebag Jr’s.

    Lauren

    November 7, 2012 at 7:23 pm

    • Lauren, American Feminism has taught women to be selfish, egotistical, illogical, immoral, with little or no redeeming qualities whatsoever. American Feminists make LOUSY mothers, HORRIBLE wives, and while I cannot 100% condone what this guy has done by his dishonesty, the woman bears the brunt of the blame here in my book. Today’s “Modern Woman” is the biggest reason why we have so much divorce here, and why so many GOOD American seek to marry foreign born wives. Women, like men, CANNOT HAVE IT ALL. Feminism teaches women to have it all, in the end, they have empty lives because the woman, like the man, looks at the relationship solely in terms of what they get out of it. There’s no give-and-take, the woman ONLY takes.

      Trainwreck 404

      November 8, 2012 at 2:52 pm

  10. Feminism started in the early 1960s under the fake guise of equality. That’s not its true purpose. The true purpose of feminism is to undermine the traditional family. Once families are unstable and/or destroyed, the society’s foundations are greatly weakened.

    Trainwreck 404

    November 8, 2012 at 2:55 pm


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