Don’t Marry

Why Modern, Western Marriage Has Become A Bad Business Decision For Men

Why are women so negative?

with 11 comments


Why are women so negative?
Post by skeptos on Mar 9, 2006, 3:56pm

I had a conversation with a female co-worker today. We’re both semi-seriously looking for new employment and were discussing the current state of the job market for our field, which while not great (the job market is never great in academia), is not, in my opinion, that bad.

I was struck by her overwhelming, knee-jerk pessimism, how she seemed to have some compulsion to think, even when the facts suggested otherwise, that the situation was utterly hopeless. It wasn’t like she was personally depressed, but every time I would say something encouraging or upbeat, she would reflexively shoot it down. Example: there aren’t many openings doing precisely what we’re doing in our current job, but there are a lot of advertised positions which are similar and which someone with our backgrounds could IMO easily do with relatively little re-training. When I pointed this out, she said, “Oh no, there’s a ton of people out there you’d have to compete with who would have exactly those qualifications.” I have no idea where she was getting this — in my opinion, it’s simply inaccurate. It’s as if she were willing to grasp at any straw, even patent falsehoods, to make herself (and me) feel like we were up against insuperable odds and had no career prospects whatsoever.

This kind of mindset seems to be ubiquitous among women. My last girlfriend was even worse. She was easily the most negative person I have ever known. Everything was a crisis or an impending disaster with her. She seemed to deliberately sabotage herself so that she couldn’t fulfill her goals — example: she was going to apply to graduate school, but she didn’t make the application deadline. When I asked her what had happened, she said she’d gotten too depressed and cynical to fill out the application.

This is why I’m not married: women are the ultimate buzz-killers; they want to make you as unhappy as they are. I can’t imagine having someone like that in my life for the next fifty years. A man shouldn’t have totally unrealistic goals and dreams, but he should have goals and dreams, and he needs to take risks to achieve them, and he needs to have some amount of optimism that he can deal with these risks. Women seem to see any kind of risk or uncertainty as an utterly insurmountable obstacle, and they want to make everyone around them think so too. I think it might be this kind of self-defeating mindset, perhaps even more than discrimination or lesser natural ability, which would explain the relative paucity of their contributions to civilization.

Skeptos
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Re: Why are women so negative?
Post by Geoff on Mar 9, 2006, 4:02pm

women tend to be followers…..

Men need to lead.
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Re: Why are women so negative?
Post by ddg on Mar 9, 2006, 4:18pm

If I’d thought the way your ex-girlfriend did I’d have never made the move from an archaeological project to IT. I taught myself how to build computers and then applied for every position I felt qualified for…even though it’s not my formal background.

Some women think negatively because they want some man to pity them and rescue them. They are truly their own worst enemies.
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Re: Why are women so negative?
Post by Prancer on Mar 9, 2006, 4:29pm

American Women = Debbie Downer

debbiedowner.jpg

You’re enjoying your day
Everything’s going your way
Then along comes Debbie Downer.

Always there to tell you ’bout a new disease
A car accident or killer bees
You beg her to spare you, “Debbie, Please!”
But you can’t stop Debbie Downer!

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Re: Why are women so negative?
Post by dickthedog on Mar 9, 2006, 8:42pm

The reason is part “victim mentality”- If you fail you have a ready made excuse. Blame it on something or someone other than yourself.

And also the feminist mindset. Feminism would vanish if it weren’t fueled by negativity and rage.

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Re: Why are women so negative?
Post by toadman on Mar 9, 2006, 9:24pm

Quote:women are the ultimate buzz-killers; they want to make you as unhappy as they are.

They are dream-killers.

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Re: Why are women so negative?
Post by Yet Another Guest on Mar 11, 2006, 7:43am

This is especially noteworthy because compared to women in other parts of the world and in other times, American women are living the Life Of Riley. I mean, the problems of AWs are nothing compared to female circumcision, honor killings and foot binding.

FW seem so much more positive and upbeat, especially when you consider that they have A LOT more to be negative about.

I think it comes down to what my former boss called “the trivialization of crisis” where people will make up one in the absence of one. But when a real crisis hits, they’re stuck.
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Re: Why are women so negative?
Post by knighterrant on Mar 11, 2006, 8:26am

They’re looking for a leader.

Unfortunately they’ve made his task impossible.

But they still need him.
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Re: Why are women so negative?
Post by celibateforlife on Mar 11, 2006, 9:54am

My ex was very negative. She also had mental health problems. RUN AWAY!!!
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Re: Why are women so negative?
Post by H Rich on Mar 11, 2006, 4:13pm

Well Skeptos I find this an interesting post and a damn fine one.

“This kind of mindset seems to be ubiquitous among women”.

Yes it does among AW, it’s obvious, certainly not good, yet will only be denied by most women with a “nuh-uh you misogynistic a-hole!”

Here in the West it does indeed seem that women cannot handle the task that their feminist hero cows implied would give independence, strength, value and character. Unhappy women are everywhere these days, and they don’t even have a clue what is going on, they only know damn well a true, deep feeling of inferiority. This creates anger, and good herd animals do what they’re told, knowing no justice, so they are sure of exactly where to direct their anger– at men. Then they blame men some more. Then they covertly bask in any misfortune a man may have, enjoying and of course allowing anything that weakens him to their level.

Then they watch some more programming which is good enough to justify their feelings, and come HERE for example, just to hone their powers of manipulation, acting like they care but really only relishing the opportunity to temporarily satisfy a superficial curiosity, at best. It goes something like:

Oh really? That is terrible to hear, I’m so very sorry. You poor man, what an unfortunate event, how about you tell me all about it!

Acting, they do it so very well don’t they.

Not to be taken seriously of course. I mean come on, grrls just want to have fun at your expensive. This is perfectly evident as no real advice is given, and no real non-surface-dwelling question is asked pertaining to the issue at hand, i.e., nothing to help remedy the issue at hand or give any satisfaction to anyone except themselves. Only a– ‘look see I care (you believe me right?), respond to my bs post so my little desire is satisfied, and then I can accordingly enjoy your weakened status’ position is taken, it seems, by the women who are drawn to this site. Any sincere support or otherwise healthy position from women is not to be found here, but rarely anywhere, so why would it be different here. This would require a sort of strength from women that seemingly is not to be found often.

AW of this day are taught to displease, and regardless of the front shown, that is EXACTLY what they do. They have been told men are responsible for their inferiority, and they do (very deeply and rarely admitted to themselves or of course anyone else) feel inferior– so here comes the anger. They are unhappy with their lives and the heterosexual white man is the one that is okay to hate, discriminate against, make an ass of, make incompetent, whatever. The fact it is so pc and not even merely acknowledged by most younger AW is telling for those holding a certain mental capacity. Oh you silly poor incompetent man they project. Oh you whining victim they project. They then say:

This calls for a shopping trip now, and later I may puke here or anywhere I want about the greediness of man.

It wasn’t always this way of course, but it is now. Ever notice a complete lack of healthy humor from the majority of younger AW these days? At best is sarcasm, which is a strand of anger, but you should only laugh if she sees fit buster, or else she’ll use her victimhood. Don’t get me wrong: there are men (mostly psychopaths) that have no true humor either, only fake humor covering the desire to manipulate people to reach their ends. But isn’t it really noticeable these days from the corporate AW especially? It is pathetic, almost like they have to try so extremely hard due to lack of natural capacity that all humor is lost.

Add this to the law giving the AW the entire deck with jokers, well, to marry one would be just downright ignorant. I am so happy to be chronically single words cannot begin describe. I will do as I please and look elsewhere for an actual QUALITY woman, whenever I want. Thank you for reading my post.

Best,
H. Rich
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Re: Why are women so negative?
Post by wayman on Mar 11, 2006, 4:50pm

I have no idea Why TF they are so damn negative.
It really annoys me.
But as stated earlier its the “victim Mindset”.
Ive observed several of my GF’s and its all the same…… They are ALWAYS the victim of persecution or some shit.

Highly irritating.
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Re: Why are women so negative?
Post by sanjay on Mar 11, 2006, 10:42pm

Mar 11, 2006, 7:39pm, acepoindexter wrote:
Mar 9, 2006, 4:02pm, Geoff wrote:women tend to be followers…..

Men need to lead.

You know…the whole PUA philosophy …& NLP….is based on this guys 2 line quote…I endorse what this dude just wrote 100%…

Ace Poindexter

Women will always pick the ace of spades over the king of hearts.

why is your life controlled by women then?
stop being such a weak man

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Re: Why are women so negative?
Post by prince batshit on Mar 12, 2006, 3:34am

I agree with the threadstarter. Women have a certain way of ruining things for guys. It’s hard to put a finger on, but they all seem to have this uncanny knack for creating little melodramas out of nowhere. To me, that’s why it’s hard to be “just friends” with a female; without the incentive of sex, they’re not even worth being around for long. Their outlook on life is so limited, and it usually won’t be long before their constant need for drama, attention and bickering starts to spoil your fun.
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Re: Why are women so negative?
Post by rule62 on Mar 12, 2006, 4:45am

Sanjay makes the same point I was just contemplating. These “player” types are more owned by women than anyone else I can think of – they seem to think they are in control, yet their entire life is centered around “hitting it”. What a sad and pathetic existence.

Proof how sad they are is their constant posting about how many women they get each week. Who cares? I can go buy wrecked beaten down used car every week, what does that prove?
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Re: Why are women so negative?
Post by IndependantBlackMan on Mar 12, 2006, 7:22am

There could be a couple of things going on there. She could just be a general pessimist like many other people, including men.

But what I find is that negative feedback is usually a way to test your position or argument. Many people who are too cowardly to state their lack of confidence in something will play devil’s advocate with you to try to glean why you are so confident. This woman was likely just trying to feed off of your good reasons that she was too dense to know for herself.

Negativity is not just a woman’s problem; my father is the same way and it comes from a variety of generational factors related to the great depression era, segregated upbringing, etc.

Negativity is rarely just that on its face, although it is tiresome to deal with in people.
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Written by dontmarry

June 28, 2007 at 5:10 am

11 Responses

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  1. I think its becuase perfectionism is becoming too status quo. Every one is becoming more and more competitive, especially in the US did you know that
    people in the US show their teeth more than anywhere else, that is an agressive trait.

    Anonymous

    December 2, 2010 at 3:48 pm

  2. For some insight into why AWs are so negative, read Lori Gottleib’s book “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.”

    The author was single, approaching 40, and — like a lot of AWs — went into a panic because she was single and had no serious prospects. Unlike most AWs, she was willing to take a hard look at her thinking, behavior and choices to figure out how she was contributing to the problem.

    This book is a must read for any man who, like me, took it personally when he had a hard time finding a girlfriend. Gottleib interviews a ton of people (including scientists and psychologists) and explains in great detail how American women have become “inordinately picky” about who they date.

    IMO best (or worse) example of this pickiness in the book was the comparison between men and women about a second date. Someone was asking men and women why they’d declined a second date with someone. Men usually gave one of THREE answers: no physical attraction, she was cold/distant/difficult, or she wasn’t “engaging” (i.e., interesting, fun, entertaining). But women gave over THREE HUNDRED reasons when they didn’t want to see a guy again. His belt didn’t match his shoes. He didn’t go to the “correct” college. He hadn’t seen her favorite movie. He ordered tap water rather than bottled water on a lunch date.

    In short, men were more realistic, easier to please, and were more patient and willing to give someone a chance.

    CC

    December 4, 2010 at 2:12 pm

  3. Wow, i’m glad i found this. My girl has holidays for the 1st time in ages and so we have planned to travel interstate with our little girl and visit my brother and his wife. Everything seems fine, then they call today (our 9th anniversary) and we have a chat about taking the kids to see the zoo and what not while we’re down there, we are gonna be short on cash till the 3rd day we are there so my brother offered to front the cash for the zoo till said payday, all of a sudden she gets distant, self absorbed and then completely negative about the whole trip! Complaining about money and my brothers wife and on and on and on, so i try to lift her spirits a little (and mine) only to have them crushed back down in my face again, it’s bloody useless.
    I agree that women have to create a crisis where there is none, it’s true of all the women i’ve ever known and they shit themselves when things really do get rough. I swear, if i had as much to complain about i’d go to a bloody psych. Actually, the real life stresses i carry about all the time, it’s a damn miracle that i’m the positive one in the relationship.

    Karl Hesterman

    February 4, 2011 at 12:38 am

  4. [...] become more and more acutely aware of feminine negativity and how it plays out in the social arena. This male blogger is particularly negative about the negativity of women. He’s so upset about it that he uses [...]

  5. [...] become more and more acutely aware of feminine negativity and how it plays out in the social arena. This male blogger is particularly negative about the negativity of women. He’s so upset about it that he uses [...]

    Is it a Crime to be Happy?

    December 4, 2011 at 5:22 pm

  6. This is hipocritical. All of you guys sound negative. Yes I believe the majority of women I have met are pessimistic. But the question is what are you going to do about that? I am forcing my girlfriend to read up about positive psychology. There has been a lot research about how to make people happier, so lets use it on our women. These are good places to start.

    “Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life [Paperback]
    Martin Seligman (Author) ”

    Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment by Tal Ben-Shahar

    (both of these titles are available free as pdf torrents)

    Then get her to write 5 things a day she is grateful for. This has been proven to make people not just women more optimistic.

    http://bigthink.com/ideas/16660

    Good luck reprogramming your woman.

    mitchell

    February 19, 2012 at 6:18 am

  7. Women are ruled by fear and always seem to prefer the devil they know to the devil they don’t know: this is why they often stay with violent and abusive partners.

    Adrian Cooke

    April 26, 2012 at 10:43 pm

  8. I have to say that I am a woman and I agree with everything in this blog and the comments. I came out to the internet tonight looking for ways to deal with a negative female co-worker I am experiencing right now ( who happens to be Malaysian – so its not just American Women – ) and I stumbled upon this website. We work in investment administration and this chick does nothing but complain about our boss, about the work we have to do, about the others in the office and about her own life and kids. She constantly says things about others behind their back but acts nice to their face. She blames her two divorces on the men she was married to, but I think its her fault because of her attitude. She makes fun of our boss when he is wrong about things and I think its mean. He built the business we work at from the ground up and is a smart guy. I’ve never built a business, so I feel like there are things I could learn from him. Of course he doesn’t understand some of the admin tasks we do, that is natural, because that is what he hires us for, so it can free up his time to make business deals. But Florence is always quick to point out to him when he is wrong and she relishes it. Maybe if she hates her life and job so much, she should get off her ass and make some million dollar sales like he does, but she never will do that, because she does not have the balls and seems to hate anyone who does. Her big plan is to marry a man with money – she is trying to date rich guys right now – that way she doesn’t have to work anymore. I pity the guy that gets her, but at the same time, I do wish she would leave because I want to be positive about my life and job, but can’t with her ranting all day.

    I’m pretty positive about my life and career plans despite Florence. You know, I have never ever had my career or plans derailed by a man. The business men I have encountered have done nothing but try to help me. The two guys i work with now – my boss that owns the business and his partner – they try to give me assignments to help me learn the business and rise above just doing admin work. I get along with them great. I wish I could get along with Florence better as well, but she is not happy with her life and there isn’t much I can do about that. Over the years, it seems like I have had more problems with women in the workplace than men, women are always high drama and back biting to each other. This gets old and makes me wish I could just work with men only. I a nerdy/techie type of girl who is simple and just wants to be happy and I don’t need Prada, a Lexis or perfect looks to do it. I don’t mind taking responsible risks to improve my life, but sometimes it is other women who try to caution me out of it – it gets tiring and I totally understand what the poster of this blog is saying.

    Angela

    March 14, 2013 at 6:24 pm

  9. I find this interesting, and believe it is because women are more prone to loss of control. Men like to maintain control more in their lives, whereas women like to stage loss of control. Loss of control ultimately leads to drama and pessimism.

    michijo

    June 9, 2013 at 11:22 am

  10. Ohh this is so true. You would get so tired of keeping the atmosphere healthy. It is taxing. One little problem and it’s the end of the world. Why oh why ..

    Some people are saying that men are critical and negative too .. Yeah some are but most not .. While most of the women I have seen are ..

    kwik

    September 17, 2013 at 12:44 pm

  11. I tend to avoid other women because I can see the negativity coming, yeah there are negative blokes as well and I take care to avoid those too. Passivity is never a great state of being.
    Mind you, often people are negative/ don’t make an effort when they don’t really want you around… they do want you, but don’t at the same time, if you know what I mean. Luckily I have plenty of projects to busy myself with, so do not have to concern myself excessively with people or their myriad moods.

    Good

    December 12, 2013 at 4:02 pm


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