Being a Good Wife – The Big Three
The Big Three
Post by Allah on Nov 13, 2005, 5:51pm
Dear readers,
Being a good wife is so simple, yet so many women do not obey the three commandments set down by Allah, and it mystifies me why they do not. Here goes:
1. Thou shall maintain thy appearance: not very difficult to work out about three times per week, eat healthy, cut down on the drinking and give up smoking for once (what the hell are you thinking letting your teeth go yellow, your eyes get prematurely wrinkled and having that nasty smoker stench on your clothes all the time, oh, wait, Sarah Jessica Parker smokes, so it’s the thing to do). What the hell? It’s perfectly possible for a middle-aged woman to still be hot without cosmetic surgery if she lives properly, yet so many of these chicks let themselves go. Does it make you laugh when a 300 lbs. woman in a mu-mu with a fairly well-preserved husband wonders why he cheats on her? Duh!!! Seriously, mind the weight, eat healthy, don’t smoke, rarely drink and frequently exercise and you may cut down on the possibility that your husband will have to go out looking elsewhere.
2. Complaining: take it to your girlfriends or your shrink. I’d rather eat ground glass than hear a woman whine about : work/mother/father/patriarchy/George W. Bush as the source of all evil in this world/husband/children/lack of children/in-laws/salary, etc. If women did as much as they complained, they’d be as successful as men. Honestly, I think it’s a big scheme to get out of working: If wife whines enough about job so that husband can’t stand listening to it any longer, he may just tell her to stay home and not work any longer which means that she’ll move on to complaining instead about how boring it is to stay home and how she’s unfulfilled.
3. Marital Celibacy: Is it so much for a wife, even if her sex drive is dead, to just lie back and pretend to enjoy it? I mean, sex requires virtually nothing of women, yet they end it after saying, “I do.” Man makes sacrifice working job he hates, listening to her endless complaining and giving her children he doesn’t want, why can’t she just lie back once a week and let her husband have his way? It doesn’t require much.
So, that’s Allah’s guide to being a good wife in a nutshell. Good looking, non-whining and sexually active. Ladies, it’s so easy. I call it the “adultery-preventer.” Aren’t you glad you have Allah to simplify matters for you?
Now, I know that we men aren’t perfect (even if I am), because men also have a responsibility not to let themselves go: for example, I watch my weight and although I don’t think that I have the gene for baldness, if I did, I would probably invest in Propecia or Rogaine or a good micro-graft transplant, but we guys if we want to keep ourselves in the running are often conscious of this, but the married woman today, not often. Anyway, ladies, just follow Allah’s three simple commandments and you could more than likely end up with a happier marriage. It’s all so easy.
Sincerely,
Allah
——————————————————————————–
Re: The Big Three
Post by morpheus on Nov 13, 2005, 5:58pm
Nov 13, 2005, 5:51pm, Allah wrote:Dear readers,
Being a good wife is so simple, yet so many women do not obey the three commandments set down by Allah, and it mystifies me why they do not. Here goes:
What’s the proper phrase of gratitude? “Allahu Akbar”?
Seriously, one thing that never ceases to amaze me is this day and age is how remarkably little men expect from women while women keep raising the bar of perfection for men (I saw the term “guy inflation” on this board and I like it). I start thinking about what I would like in a woman, I might start thinking, “Well, she can’t be morbidly obese and she needs to keep the complaining to 6 hours/day maximum vs. 24/7.” Then I smack myself and think, “What kind of standards are those?!”
——————————————————————————–
Re: The Big Three
Post by chrisw79 on Nov 13, 2005, 6:25pm
Guy inflation. Yeah, I like that too.
I see only one addendum I’d like to add, to Commandment 3: Marital Fidelity. Ladies, if you’re with someone, you’re faithful to them. That’s the biological cornerstone to a relationship – you’re only having sex with each other, so you stay together. THAT’S not hard either, honestly. When I was with one of my previous girlfriends, women were approaching me like crazy. Did I cheat? No, why? That was a whole Pandora’s Box I’d be opening (literally). Why go through that when there’s sex at home?
(Note: I realize this comparison only makes sense to logical minds, so I’m not expecting most women to understand me. They didn’t then, either.)
——————————————————————————–
Re: The Big Three
Post by thechief on Nov 13, 2005, 6:28pm
I actually have my Five Things Every Decent Guy Wants From His Wife. Elements of your three steps are contained within:
1) He wants her to not break the bank, don’t spend the family into insolvency.
2) He wants her to do her share of the housework.
3) He wants her to love and be a good mother towards all children in the household, whether hers from a previous relationship, his from a previous relationship, or children that they made together.
4) He wants a good ride in bed on a regular basis.
5) He wants her to be good company. As you say, confine the complaining to girlfriends or therapists. Don’t make him dread coming home.
Five. Not that much to ask either.
——————————————————————————–
Re: The Big Three
Post by Patr3 on Nov 13, 2005, 6:46pm
Five or three is not too many things to ask. Women however, want two hundred impossible and unpractical things.
——————————————————————————–
Re: The Big Three
Post by guest on Nov 13, 2005, 6:47pm
Nov 13, 2005, 6:28pm, thechief wrote:I actually have my Five Things Every Decent Guy Wants From His Wife. Elements of your three steps are contained within:
1) He wants her to not break the bank, don’t spend the family into insolvency.
2) He wants her to do her share of the housework.
3) He wants her to love and be a good mother towards all children in the household, whether hers from a previous relationship, his from a previous relationship, or children that they made together.
4) He wants a good ride in bed on a regular basis.
5) He wants her to be good company. As you say, confine the complaining to girlfriends or therapists. Don’t make him dread coming home.
Five. Not that much to ask either.
Number five..most important to me.
My last Gf had no friends, bad relationship with her mother and sister, so I ended up becoming her therapist. It was not good for either of us..I can listen and offer support, but I’m not a professional. She would load everything onto my back. And the complaints, the bitching, from the moment I woke up, on the cell phone on my way to work, at work, on the way home, at home and right up until 2 in the morning.
I don’t think she could even understand how physically and emotionally draining that is.
——————————————————————————–
Re: The Big Three
Post by Lydia1 on Dec 14, 2005, 8:40pm
A well-fed cat never strays – Nanny Ogg.
Or was that:
Stand before your God, bow before your king, and kneel before your man.
——————————————————————————–
Re: The Big Three
Post by daniel on Dec 14, 2005, 9:10pm
Quote:A well-fed cat never strays- Nanny Ogg.
Or was that:
Stand before your God, bow before your king, and kneel before your man.
Either one works just fine.
——————————————————————————–
Re: The Big Three
Post by sayonara on Dec 14, 2005, 10:25pm
Dec 14, 2005, 8:40pm, Lydia1 wrote:A well-fed cat never strays- Nanny Ogg.
Or was that:
Stand before your God, bow before your king, and kneel before your man.
I think we should also add khankrumthebulgar’s:
“Keep a man’s stomach full and his testicles empty.”
——————————————————————————–
Re: The Big Three
Post by Feminist Bonnie on Dec 15, 2005, 1:03am
Quote:
Number five..most important to me.
My last Gf had no friends, bad relationship with her mother and sister, so I ended up becoming her therapist. It was not good for either of us..I canlisten and offer support, but I’m not a professional. She would load everything onto my back. And the complaints , the bitching, from the moment I woke up, on the cell phone on my way to work, at work, on the way home, at home and right up until 2 in the morning.
I don’t think she could even understand how physically and emotionally draining that is.
Yeah, I see therapist = the/rapist, in your post. You men are all alike. Think we don’t notice do you? Why don’t you admit to what you really did to her. You manipulated her probably like she was a child!
——————————————————————————–
Re: The Big Three
Post by toadman1 on Dec 15, 2005, 1:41am
Welcome Bonnie! Keep your hands and arms away from our wallet at all times, no smoking or flash photography. Refrain from posting during menses(as if you make any logical sense the other 25 or so days anyways like the “victimized woman” reply above).
P.S. A tolerant man NEVER manipulates a woman to alienate her from her family and friends. She’s quite capable of self-destructing relationships by herself and projecting blame on others.
——————————————————————————–
Re: The Big Three
Post by chrisvet on Dec 15, 2005, 3:41am
Nov 13, 2005, 6:28pm, thechief wrote:I actually have my Five Things Every Decent Guy Wants From His Wife. Elements of your three steps are contained within:
1) He wants her to not break the bank, don’t spend the family into insolvency.
Error. Do not give woman a hold of your combined finances unless she is more competent than you.
Quote:2) He wants her to do her share of the housework.
You’re kidding right? Her share? Her share is whatever needs to be done. If she’s not “doing her share” its up to us to see that inexcusable situation changes – immediately.
Quote:He wants her to be good company. As you say, confine the complaining to girlfriends or therapists. Don’t make him dread coming home.
Good company, or friendship is the most important element. Sex dies, (often), therefore choosing a mate based on her “ass” or “how good she is in bed” is grounds for a fucked up situation 5 years later.
The type of women I recommend is rare, and there is certain imperative criteria that must be met.
One such benefit of this personality type is she will FUCK YOU whenever you want because she’s a good loyal woman.
Odds? 1 in 25.
——————————————————————————–
Re: The Big Three
Post by Pugnatious on Dec 15, 2005, 11:38am
Quote:
Yeah, I see therapist = the/rapist, in your post. You men are all alike. Think we don’t notice do you? Why don’t you admit to what you really did to her. You manipulated her probably like she was a child!
????????????
Are you kidding me????????
You must be a woman to have read that into what he posted.
——————————————————————————–
