Don’t Marry

Why Modern, Western Marriage Has Become A Bad Business Decision For Men

When your Girlfriend asks to borrow money.

with 5 comments


When your GF asks to borrow money
Post by pmh on Sept 30, 2005, 8:08pm

Any thoughts? Bad sign?
My answer: YES.
My ex GF asked to borrow several thousand dollars to get set up in her new place. When she asked, I told her that in my experience, once money got involved things never went well. She assured me that she would pay me back and also reminded me that I told her that we could talk about anything and that if I really cared about her I would help. So I did and sure enough she could not keep up with her expenses. She cried and wanted more and more help. When I told her enough was enough, she started with the complaining and accusing me of wanting to leave her. Long story short, we broke up because she never had control of any of her expenses. She blamed everyone else, including me of not helping. And accused me of putting her in a “bad spot”..by helping her get into something she could not afford. She never paid me back and has made no effort to address the issue. Everyone tells me that it was a relatively cheap lesson versus what could have happened had we been married.

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Re: When your GF asks to borrow money
Post by thechief on Sept 30, 2005, 8:31pm

Sept 30, 2005, 8:08pm, pmh wrote:Everyone tells me that it was a relatively cheap lesson versus what could have happened had we been married.

And everyone is absolutely right. Compared to the division of assets, the alimony and the child support you would have gone through with a divorce, that was a bargain. Consider that your tuition in the Dontmarry University of Hard Knocks.
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Re: When your GF asks to borrow money
Post by erich on Sept 30, 2005, 10:06pm

On the good side you broke up with the “financial drain”. On the bad side you did loan her the 2 grand, I think you were thinking with your small head and not the big one. She’s just another sad sorry case of todays women who make poor life choices and then choose the easy way out with the ole convenient Blame Game.
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Re: When your GF asks to borrow money
Post by Optimusprime on Oct 1, 2005, 2:59am

$2000 quid… the least you could have done was to get more sex out of her, after all you just paid her $2000! Anyway, never believe women, they are full of it, you learned a lesson-it could have been much, MUCH worse, had you been married and with kids. Next time look out for a low-maintenance, sane woman, although these ones are not plentiful anymore…
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Re: When your GF asks to borrow money
Post by The Author on Oct 1, 2005, 11:30am

She asked you for a temporary loan. I think that is fine b/w to people in a committed relationship. She prob. had all intents to pay it back.

HOWEVER,

1) Saying “if I really cared about her I would help.” is manipulation.

2) No control of any of her expenses= sign of a bad future wife. (And a sign you are enslaved to your career and overtime)

3) “She blamed everyone else, “
Accused me of putting her in a “bad spot”..

That’s the deal breaker. If married, everything would be your fault. Does she do this with non-financial matters in her life also? Poor work relationships, rocky friendships, etc.

4) Not paying you back, regardless of breaking up, shows her poor character.

All in all, a good lesson in how to screen for a better mate the next time around.

PHM, email her this link. She will see your perspective, maybe learn from it, and also have a chance to give her side of the story.

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Re: When your GF asks to borrow money
Post by pmh on Oct 1, 2005, 12:36pm

Thanks Author.
I’d e-mail her, but her internet service provider canceled her service because of non-payment…no joke.

I can tell you what I truly believe she was thinking.
I’m in a committed relationship with a guy who loves me.
It’s ok to ask for some help. Fine, I go along with that.

But she pushed it too far. She figured , he loves me, he sees how rough (she really didn’t..she just had very poor approach toward money..no savings, credit card debt) I have it, he’s never going to ask me for the money. And while things were going well, it was the furthest thing from my mind. In fact, I knew when I gave her the money, I had no expectation of getting it back. The only thing that I hoped she would have realized is, this guy treats me well and really cares about me, let me not take him for granted…let me treat him with a little kindness and respect.

But it had the opposte effect. She was needing more and more financial help and showing less and less appreciation for me. And the kicker..she blames me for everything..that I put her in a bad spot..that I led her to believe that she could count on me always..that I was a terrible person.

She never really knew or realized how much I cared for her and how much more I would have done had she shown just a little appreciation and shown some responsibility for her own choices.
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Re: When your GF asks to borrow money
Post by playerintraining on Oct 1, 2005, 12:47pm

Oct 1, 2005, 12:36pm, pmh wrote:

She never really knew or realized how much I cared for her and how much more I would have done had she shown just a little appreciation and shown some responsibility for her own choices.

Just remember, no good deed goes unpunished. The more you give, the more they take.

If you were going to lend her anything at all, you should have LENDED $1000 bucks max, and had a legal agreement written up, outlining how much you expected her to pay, and when.

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Re: When your GF asks to borrow money
Post by khankrumthebulgar on Oct 1, 2005, 1:04pm

When my ex wife has asked for money I have never said no. I figure it is less of a hassle than dealing with her whining and her telling our kids that their Father is being “stingy”. I never let her know how much money I have or how much I am making. Assets etc are never discussed with her nor with my married children as they are likely to be asked for information and have passed it along in the past.

Consider any request for a loan to be a “gift” or Grant not a loan. As you should never expect to get repaid. Women are notorious for this kind of behavior. And are extremely unreliable. They spend money like water and have no sense of saving or investing other than 401K programs.

Expense control is an alien concept to most Women. I know it is with my ex. Major Dumbbell she has no clue on how to save at all.
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Re: When your GF asks to borrow money
Post by Auger on Oct 1, 2005, 2:36pm

Sorry you’re out the money. Funny how she blames you for putting her in a bad spot. I see it time and time again. Shirking of responsibility an shifting blame. I wonder what she and every other woman who has “borrowed” money from guys and never had the decency to pay it back thinks about their actions. Do they say “That was despicable behavior” or do they just shrug it off and say “well I slept with him so I owe him nothing”. I wonder what one of my ex gf’s thinks when she looks around the house and sees every stick of furniture that I paid for.
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Re: When your GF asks to borrow money
Post by sparky on Oct 1, 2005, 4:52pm

How come everyone says to forget about the $? That’s some real money, and you’re just reinforcing her irresponsible behavior by writing it off. I’d sue her in small claims court. Even if you don’t have any written proof(canceled checks,whatever)she still might tell the truth and admit she borrowed the $. And if not,you’ll know and she’ll know that she is guilty of perjury. Is that the kind of women you want to still have feelings for?
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Re: When your GF asks to borrow money
Post by Judge on Oct 1, 2005, 5:57pm

I successfully sued an ex-girlfriend. I did it to show her that she could not get away with stealing. I can’t begin to tell you how many people told me what a terrible thing I was doing to the poor girl. I followed through and won. She really had no defense other than telling the judge that I was her boyfriend and good boyfriends help their girlfriends.
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Re: When your GF asks to borrow money
Post by geo on Oct 1, 2005, 8:19pm

you should have said no. the outcome would have been the same, just sooner and cheaper.
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Re: When your GF asks to borrow money
Post by thechief on Oct 2, 2005, 9:11am

Oct 1, 2005, 4:52pm, sparky wrote:How come everyone says to forget about the $?

Because for better or worse it’s gone now, and he’s not getting it back short of dragging her to court, which would probably be more expensive and time consuming than it’s worth. He should forget about the money…as long as he also forgets about her.
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Re: When your GF asks to borrow money
Post by f36 on Oct 2, 2005, 10:35am

Oct 2, 2005, 9:11am, thechief wrote:

Oct 1, 2005, 4:52pm, sparky wrote:
How come everyone says the forget about the $?

Because for better or worse it’s gone now, and he’s not getting it back short of dragging her to court, which would probably be more expensive and time consuming than it’s worth. He should forget about the money…as long as he also forgets about her.

small claims court. i took my gf to small claims court to recover money that she borrowed. i had no direct proof, promissory note or anything like that. i simply told my story, she told hers and fortunately i received a judgment in my favor. sometimes the message just has to be sent.
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Re: When your GF asks to borrow money
Post by thechief on Oct 2, 2005, 11:21am

In most states you can’t do small claims court for more that $1500.00. Nice idea, though.
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Re: When your GF asks to borrow money
Post by geo on Oct 2, 2005, 11:47am

Oct 2, 2005, 10:35am, f36 wrote:

Oct 2, 2005, 9:11am, thechief wrote:Because for better or worse it’s gone now, and he’s not getting it back short of dragging her to court, which would probably be more expensive and time consuming than it’s worth. He should forget about the money…as long as he also forgets about her.

small claims court. i took my gf to small claims court to recover money that she borrowed. i had no direct proof, promissory note or anything like that. i simply told my story, she told hers and fortunately i received a judgment in my favor. sometimes the message just has to be sent.

I’m glad to see that some women are actually being taken to task. They can’t just keep getting away with, excusing or blaming others for their own selfish, immoral and childlike behavior.

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Re: When your GF asks to borrow money
Post by sparky on Oct 2, 2005, 12:25pm

Oct 2, 2005, 11:21am, thechief wrote:In most states you can’t do small claims court for more that $1500.00. Nice idea, though.

This is outdated information. Only 1 state has a small claims limit of $1500. the rest go up from there,1 state which has a limit of $25,000.
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Re: When your GF asks to borrow money
Post by Frank on Oct 2, 2005, 3:14pm

You guys are not alone. I lost a few thousand to a girlfriend as well. I recovered some of it in a small claims action. It is worth it. Very little cost with a lot to gain. And you send a very powerful message to the borrower. Win or lose she has to drag her lazy ass into court and face you knowing full well what she did. Glad we have a forum like this to share experiences.
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Re: When your GF asks to borrow money
Post by nameless1 on Oct 2, 2005, 8:01pm

I think its pretty disgusting that a girlfriend would expect or blame her guy for getting into a bad financial situation, and whine and moan about needing more money…..I have never done that and I think it is pretty immature….not to mention a bad sign for someone who is looking to be married. I agree with the guys, this type of woman is to be shunned.
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Written by dontmarry

May 21, 2007 at 8:57 am

5 Responses

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  1. its easy to blame but you have not for heard her part of the story yet!Please dont appaly mob justice where its not required!Let use courts of law.Do hear from he r before making your judgement.

    Anonymous

    June 17, 2011 at 6:07 am

  2. I am currently dating a girl, it’s pretty similar story as above, with the only twist, she can not get school loan because she’s a foreigner…She goes to school for social work and makes less than 30K, She asked me for $1500 to pay her school 4 months ago I said no, we almost broke up over that, I told her that I have patience for women asking for money, she had a parent emergency and asked me for $2000, I said no, almost broke up over that too, now she asked me to borrow $1500 to pay for classes, what’s up with that broad…the issue is I like the SEX, but clearly I don’t appreciate the fact she asked for money so much. I tried to encourage her to change major so that she can learn something better to make money, she refuses, she wants to depend on me. Should I dump her?

    edd

    November 13, 2012 at 10:54 am

    • I am having the same problem … My gf always comes up with some kind of problem i have loaned her about $1500.. she still keeps asking saying family problem etc. Which she never shars…..i dont get it is it real problem or she is faking me..,

      Anonymous

      December 12, 2012 at 6:00 am

  3. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER loan girlfriend/boyfriend money or anything for ANY reason or you end up not getting a dime back! even she/he paid back the first time! Boy/Girlfriend easily turning to a Gold Digger if we don’t know what they want from the begining. So don’t afraid of broken a relationship! It”s already broken when they planned to ask for Money! So have good sex with them the last time then goodbye! close your eyes/ears and run away as far as possible!

    I too am has many experiences with differient type of women but all of them are gone with my money. One of them stole $35.000 from my safe case, the other borrow $13.700 for pay off a high loan. They all acted like I must thank them for teaching me a leason! Police? They works slowly as hell then said I don’t have enough evidence to send them to court.

    So love yourself, protect your hard work money and just say NO to anyone want it!
    * – Never pay for Sex!

    Anonymous

    April 29, 2013 at 2:03 pm

  4. Never lend money to women.

    Never co-sign with a woman.

    Leykis101.com

    Tom

    June 21, 2013 at 7:03 pm


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