Don’t Marry

Why Modern, Western Marriage Has Become A Bad Business Decision For Men

Girlfriend’s poor money habits.


GF’s poor money habits
Post by Guest on Mar 3, 2006, 11:46am

My GF and I don’t live together. And I have no intention after finding out about the way in which she mis-manages her finances. She lives beyong her means. Fancy car, clothes. She always spends more than she has.

She has several thousand owing on credit cards and a loan against her pension fund. She has a poor credit score and payment history, charge offs and a judgment from a previous loan from a friend that she never repaid.

I’ve paid some of her expenses to help her out but she has not improved in any way, so I’m done giving out money. Now she’s starting to resent me because I have the means to help but choose not to. I’ve tried to help her by creating a basic budget, but she won’t stick to it. She cries that it’s not her fault. That nobody ever showed her. But the same old music is getting old. Especially when she starts with the shaming and telling me that men are supposed to take care of the women they love.

Now she’s telling me that I’d better move fast because she’s a desirable woman and some other guy might come along and take her from me.

Any takers on here?

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Re: GF’s poor money habits
Post by itsdan on Mar 3, 2006, 11:59am

Tell her you love her, and you’re willing to help her, but that also involves her becoming more responsible with her money. Plenty of women are, they’re not INCAPABLE of being responsible financially, they just have little incentive to be.

If she agrees to let you help and to stick to the budget, you can consider making some loans to her. Pay off something small which is accruing interest, and let her pay you back without charging interest. Do it in small chunks.
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Re: GF’s poor money habits
Post by thechief on Mar 3, 2006, 12:09pm

NO! itsdan, I’ve liked some of your other posts, but this is insane. He needs to “next” her at the first opportunity. He’s already tried budgeting with her, he’s already tried giving her money, and now all she’s doing is blaming him for the problem and giving him the “you should be grateful I’m in your life and should look at cleaning up after my messes as part of the price you pay” routine.

Drop her, Guest. If she’s that desirable, let her find some other sucker.
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Re: GF’s poor money habits
Post by Guest on Mar 3, 2006, 12:13pm

Mar 3, 2006, 12:09pm, thechief wrote:NO! itsdan, I’ve liked some of your other posts, but this is insane. He needs to “next” her at the first opportunity. He’s already tried budgeting with her, he’s already tried giving her money, and now all she’s doing is blaming him for the problem and giving him the “you should be grateful I’m in your life and should look at cleaning up after my messes as part of the price you pay” routine.

Drop her, Guest. If she’s that desirable, let her find some other sucker.

As much as I do like her, I know that this is a serious problem that has the potential to have devestating effects down the road. She was evicted from an apartment a few years ago (before I knew her) for non-payment of rent. Looks like she didn’t learn the lessons from back then. And she even stiffed her friend who loaned her money to help her out.

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Re: GF’s poor money habits
Post by scholarlee on Mar 3, 2006, 12:21pm

would you tolerate that behavior from a male friend?

would you expect someone to tolerate that behavior from you?

if this sort of accounting is important to you (and it’s important to many people), it doesn’t look like she’s the right partner for you. be grateful you found out sooner rather than later.
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Re: GF’s poor money habits
Post by dsx on Mar 3, 2006, 12:25pm

Mar 3, 2006, 12:21pm, scholarlee wrote:would you tolerate that behavior from a male friend?

would you expect someone to tolerate that behavior from you?

if this sort of accounting is important to you (and it’s important to many people), it doesn’t look like she’s the right partner for you. be grateful you found out sooner rather than later.

Sounds like she’s not a good partner. period.
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Re: GF’s poor money habits
Post by toadman on Mar 3, 2006, 12:26pm

And what prevents you from being the next sucker who get’s stiffed from your entitlement princess? This has been discussed repeatedly here. She’s clearly incapable and resistant to making lifestyle sacrifices, knuckling down and reducing expenses/debt. Start thinking with the big head and kick her to the curb.
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Re: GF’s poor money habits
Post by Guest VI on Mar 3, 2006, 12:39pm

Now she’s telling me that I’d better move fast because she’s a desirable woman and some other guy might come along and take her from me.

10-1 She is already looking …

Move on Now ..

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Re: GF’s poor money habits
Post by onewingedangel on Mar 3, 2006, 12:43pm

Dump the slitch.
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Re: GF’s poor money habits
Post by itsdan on Mar 3, 2006, 1:06pm

I’m sorry, I was providing advice presuming you weren’t ready to dump her. If you’re ready to dump her, then you already knew our answer before you posted your question.
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Re: GF’s poor money habits
Post by HarderFasterSmarter on Mar 3, 2006, 1:16pm

DTB (dump that bitch)
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Re: GF’s poor money habits
Post by Elf on Mar 3, 2006, 1:22pm

I, too, would suggest dumping her. Women who have spending problems do not change their behavior. A person’s (especially women) spending habits is closely related to their state of emotional well being. This woman has serious emotional issues to where it’s not worth being with her. Women like these, often hope that some rich guy will come by and “rescue” them and support their irresponsible lifestyle. If you don’t fit the bill, then she will eventually dump you. So it may be a case of not having to worry about dumping her, as she will probably take off on her own.

What I find interesting in takes like these, is that everytime an article in the news is written about irresponsible spending habits they almost always portray men as the irresponsilbe ones, yet every case of divorce, breakups, bankruptcies, and catastrophe caused by financial ruin, that I have personally witnessed, were ALL caused by the women’s poor spending habits.
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Re: GF’s poor money habits
Post by NeckDeep on Mar 3, 2006, 1:30pm

She will never change, period. This is a huge red flag. Don’t make the mistake that I did and believe that her behavior will ever change. It will not even with your help. Women seem to think that men are lost souls unless we have a woman in our lives. This leads to them acting as if they have saved us just by being with us and that they are now entitled to behave like irresponsible juveniles and we should just accept this and take responsibility for their screw ups. You need to run and run fast.
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Re: GF’s poor money habits
Post by Richie Rich on Mar 3, 2006, 2:04pm

..This is either a Troll or some naive guy who cant seem to see the red flag is whipping in the winds and chooses to think it wont get worse!!!
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Re: GF’s poor money habits
Post by guest on Mar 3, 2006, 2:14pm

I had a gf like this. Irresponsible with money, always having utilities cut off, always had people calling and begging for their money, or mailing collection notices. And the thing of it was that she never was short of the money, she was just lazy and irresponsible. I tried to help her get organized, but it never worked. It was like trying to be a babysitter. And this lazy attitude carries over into other areas in the relationship. It NEVER gets better, no matter what you do. Get out NOW, before it is too late.
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Re: GF’s poor money habits
Post by Little Lion on Mar 3, 2006, 3:02pm

Stay away. It would NOT get any better if you were married: it would get worse. Her liabilities would be yours. And if someone makes the threat that you better act now because they are so desirable, set a date to act sometime around the year 10,000 A.D. (or C.E.). You’re not morally obligated. Get out while you can still afford to.
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Re: GF’s poor money habits
Post by Elf on Mar 3, 2006, 3:11pm

Women want status in life. They want to live the good life, and not pay for it. This is why almost all women look for rich men to marry. They want to enjoy the finer things in life, while someone else provides it. Women are also herd creatures. They want what other women want. Often this leads to poor money managing habits, excessive debt, bills piling up, upaid debts etc. while they wait for a rich man to bail them out of their mess. If you listen to call-in shows about money management, you almost overwhelmingly hear male callers asking about investment strategies. You often hear women callers complaining about being in excessive credit card debt. If you hear men complaining about money, it’s usually about some woman in their lives that has destroyed thier financial well being. I have a neighbor whose wife divorced him at age 40. She was awarded $300.000 in settlement. She squandered it all within months and is now trying desperately to hold on to her last remaining bit of looks to snag a rich man to continue supporting her irresponsible lifestyle. Another one inherited over $1M from her late father. She squandered it all in 6 months, and now can’t pay her taxes. Notice these are women I am speaking about, not men. If these were men, they would be looking for ways to invest and create more money. I am yet to see a woman who does that.

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I hope you do the right thing…..
Post by logic101 on Mar 3, 2006, 9:46pm

Mar 3, 2006, 3:11pm, Elf wrote:Women want status in life. They want to live the good life, and not pay for it. This is why almost all women look for rich men to marry.

There actually are some woman that are REALLY GOOD with money…..HOWEVER many others are looking for economic outpatient support.

Guest, everyone here has given you good advice. I hope you do the right thing.

Good luck

-Logic 101

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Re: GF’s poor money habits
Post by Kim Cole on Mar 3, 2006, 10:06pm

Mar 3, 2006, 11:46am, Guest wrote:My GF and I don’t live together. And I have no intention after finding out about the way in which she mis-manages her finances.
She lives beyong her means. Fancy car, clothes. She always spends more than she has.

She has several thousand owing on credit cards and a loan against her pension fund.
She has a poor credit score and payment history, charge offs and a judgment from a previous loan from a friend that she never repaid.

I’ve paid some of her expenses to help her out but she has not improved in any way, so I’m done giving out money. Now she’s starting to resent me because I have the means to help but choose not to. I’ve tried to help her by creating a basic budget, but she won’t stick to it. She cries that it’s not her fault. That nobody ever showed her. But the same old music is getting old. Especially when she starts with the shaming and telling me that men are supposed to take care of the women they love.

Now she’s telling me that I’d better move fast because she’s a desirable woman and some other guy might come along and take her from me.

Any takers on here?

it’s her money she earned it you didn’t you don’t have a job reject
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Re: GF’s poor money habits
Post by kris on Mar 4, 2006, 2:13am

I got a girlfriend who’s the same way.

Can’t save a dime to save her life.

Makes good coin also, however, spends more than she earns.

How else can you explain that when we decided to go on a trip together, I paid my half full in a cheque made payable to her, and she put her trip (and mine) on a SEARS card and took 12 months to pay it all off.

With regards to the trip, we went through the SEARS travel centre as they allowed her to purchase the trip using her Sears card and then pay it off in monthly installements of $110 a month. When all the taxes came out, we each paid $1300 with taxes.

I looked on http://www.selloffvacations.com and found the same trip on the website for $1000 per person including taxes!!!!! I told her about this and she wouldn’t take it. Her excuse was that she didn’t trust these websites (Although this one is recognized and liscensed by Travel Canada). So, in order for her to afford going on this trip, the only way was for me to take the loss (difference of $300) and go through Sears so she could put it on her card.

Needless to say, that’s probably the last trip I’ll go on with her that costs big bucks. Next time, it’s either she gives me the cash and do it my way, or we don’t go at all which would suit me fine.

There were some arguements on this trip. Bummer was, I couldn’t escape it like I can here at home (We don’t live together). I was stuck in the hotel from with her for the full 7 days.

DTB I say.

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Re: GF’s poor money habits
Post by justaguy on Mar 4, 2006, 3:18am

I had a wife like this, run, run like hell and don’t look back. Or you’ll pay for it.
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Re: GF’s poor money habits
Post by Guest on Mar 4, 2006, 10:34am

thanks for all the advice. you all kind of confirm what i already know. and a spcial thanks to kim cole who sounds just like my gf..”its my money and I can do what i want”. i cant envision wasting any more time with someone with that selfish entitlement attitude.
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Re: GF’s poor money habits
Post by Admin on Mar 4, 2006, 1:00pm

Agreed with Logic101. To be fair, many MEN are horrible with money, and many WOMEN are great with money. It goes both ways.

> I’ve paid some of her expenses to help her out but she has not improved in any way, so I’m done giving out money.

Bad move.
Of course she hasn’t improved.
Why should she?
Now she knows she never has to get her act together.
B/c you are the safety net.

> Now she’s starting to resent me because I have the means to help but choose not to.

So….where does this line get drawn?
You can afford the $100k SUV, so why don’t you buy it?
Be with someone who has the same financial priorities as you.

> I’ve tried to help her by creating a basic budget, but she won’t stick to it.

Lead a horse to water…..
It is not your job to teach her about basic finances.
This was her father’s job. And he didn’t do it.

> She cries that it’s not her fault. That nobody ever showed her.

You just did.
Yet she’s *not interested*.
Actions speak louder than words.
Don’t try to teach a pig to sing (or save). It just annoys the pig.

> But the same old music is getting old.
> Especially when she starts with the shaming and telling me that men are supposed to take care of the women they love.

So which is it? No one taugh her? OR it’s not her problem?
I think the latter….ie: *I* don’t need to budget. That’s YOUR problem.

> As much as I do like her, I know that this is a serious problem that has the potential to have devestating effects down the road.

A relationship should be a source of strength in your life.
Not a source of stress, concern and liability.
There are many women that are responsible with finances
It is up to you to find one, if that is a priority for you.

Once in a relationship, a man can often work hard to make it work. We like the stability and companionship. And we are loyal to close ones. But you must also be strong, and objectively see if you will have a hard life with her. And, just as importantly, are you not able (or willing) to give her what she wants or expects. (Whether she deservesit or not, it will become your problem)

If she hasn’t embraced your help in making her a financial adult, she will most likely resent your efforts, and talk badly about you. If you try to “help” her learn to budget, you can come off looking like the “jerk”.
* He tried to control my finances.
* He was a selfish cheapskate.
etc

Compared to simply dating a girl who has the same habits as you, there is just very little upside here for you, in this dept.

A breakup is tough, esp. if other aspects are going well. But I think you also realize that dating someone and marrying someone are 2 different balgames, with different criteria for compatability.

> She was evicted from an apartment a few years ago (before I knew her) for non-payment of rent.

thief.

> And she even stiffed her friend who loaned her money to help her out.

Again..a thief.

> Now she’s telling me that I’d better move fast because she’s a desirable woman and some other guy might come along and take her from me.

Threats will always undermine and weaking a relationship.

I would not rashly take her up on her “hard sell’ … Rather, you need to be very frank about your concerns. But she has already given you her answer to that (That’s your job to fix) You are entitled to say, “You are broke and irresponsible. Whether I am ready for marriage is moot. B/c you are not ready, b/c you are not yet a financial adult. Marriage differs from dating in that you are combining resources and formulating a shared gameplan as a team. Right now, we are not on the same page. When you have cleared all your debts, and have saved up for the future (like I have), then we can discuss marriage, and an equal partnership, and the next step. Until then, we can date, or break up”

Pesonally, I do not believe in trying to change someone. Once you are emotionally uninvolved, and know to ask the right questions, and look for new red flags that you know give you anxiety, you will simply avoid the ones that do not fit into your long term vision.. Unfortunately, this is often a process of trial and error. You didn’t forsee finances as a roadblack when you first started dating. Now you are older and wiser. Live and learn.

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Re: GF’s poor money habits
Post by Admin on Mar 4, 2006, 1:02pm

Elf,

How did she spend $1M in 6 months?
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Re: GF’s poor money habits
Post by niceguy78 on Mar 4, 2006, 2:10pm

I highly doubt any fully grown woman (21 and up) who doesn’t have financial sense, will ever understand it.

These worthless hatchet wounds are a drain on society. RUN, RUN, RUN.
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Re: GF’s poor money habits
Post by Niall IT on Mar 5, 2006, 3:07am

Agree with Author. Why should she change? You’ve proved you’ll bail her out and no doubt she thinks if she whines enough or cuts offf the pussy you’ll do it again. Only one option:

NEXT!

Oh and wear a condom and dispose of it yourself from now on, you don’t want any ‘oops’ pregnancies in this situation.
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Re: GF’s poor money habits
Post by niceguy78 on Mar 5, 2006, 4:50am

Mar 5, 2006, 3:07am, Niall IT wrote:Agree with Author. Why should she change? You’ve proved you’ll bail her out and no doubt she thinks if she whines enough or cuts offf the pussy you’ll do it again. Only one option:

NEXT!

Oh and wear a condom and dispose of it yourself from now on, you don’t want any ‘oops’ pregnancies in this situation.

Even at that, condoms are only 85% effective.

If you cannot control your sexual urges, then by all means use this advice.

If you have the discipline to control your sexual urges, then by all means RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AWAY FROM HER.
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Re: GF’s poor money habits
Post by aguest on Mar 5, 2006, 4:32pm

one of the major issues. avoid her like the plague.
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Re: GF’s poor money habits
Post by celibateforlife on Mar 12, 2006, 6:49pm

HUGE red flag. Get the hell out, NOW!

My ex was a thrifty irresponsible spender. She always maxxed out the credit cards and had no concept of saving money. In the divorce she tried to get me to declare bankruptcy – what she really wanted was to be relieved of the $25,000 credit card debt (which SHE incurred) staring down at her so she could go after the rest of my assets. I said no way. In the end she paid dearly because she lost her half of the 401K which went to pay off those debts. She reaped what she sowed.

And if you marry a woman with a poor credit record, that becomes part of YOUR record now. It’s a lousy system rigged against responsible men.

Get out. NOW!
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Re: GF’s poor money habits
Post by chewbacca on Mar 12, 2006, 10:03pm

The #1 cause of divorce is financial stress. Dump her.
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Re: GF’s poor money habits
Post by anotherview on Mar 12, 2006, 10:51pm

Mar 12, 2006, 10:03pm, chewbacca wrote:The #1 cause of divorce is financial stress. Dump her.

I think its more like, responsible husband, irresponsible wife. Wife doesn’t get all the toys she likes, husband is therefore a monster. Divorce. Unrealistic expectations is the root cause. And she’s not fulfilled spending all of her money now. She wont be any more fulfilled when she blows through all your money.
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Written by dontmarry

May 14, 2007 at 4:57 pm

Posted in dating, relationships

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