Essay
The intent of this website is to help educate men about
the realities of today’s modern marriage. Please pass the word.
Why Modern, Western Marriage Has Become A Bad Business Decision For Men
This writing seeks to educate men about the realities of what they may be getting into when they marry a Western Woman. An informed decision is less likely to be one that may be regretted later in the marriage. The intent is not to dissuade men from marrying, but to encourage them to communicate frankly their concerns and expectations regarding marriage with their potential spouses. The secondary aim of this essay is to enlighten women to a few of the reasons why increasingly larger numbers of successful, eligible, unmarried men, who would otherwise prefer monogamous long-term relationships, are turning their backs on marriage.
Society typically paints a negative stereotype of men who hesitate, delay, or elect not to marry.
They are labeled as either:
A) Womanisers who are unable to participate in a long term relationship, or
B) Selfish, childish or irresponsible men who can not take care of themselves or another person.
No other explanation is ever explored.
The cost of proclaiming your undying love
In University, in professional sports, in politics, in the workplace; women have the same educational and professional career opportunities as men. Contrary to commonly believed feminist propaganda, women do indeed get paid the same salary as men, given that they are willing to work the same types of jobs as men, and work as many hours as the men do. Despite this reality, many women come into marriage with very few assets, and often are saddled with substantial quantities of debt. In general, men are the ones who save and invest. Don’t believe me? Count the number of women of marrying age that you know who subscribe to financial services magazines or newspapers. A significant number of 20-something and 30-something women spend all of their disposable income on luxury rental apartments, upscale restaurants, frequent exotic vacations, leased cars, spa treatments, and excessive amounts of clothing, purses, shoes and accessories. Yet ironically, in the media, men are the ones who are portrayed as reckless, irresponsible spendthrifts.
When marriage enters the picture, double standards and financial imbalances leave responsible men to pick up the slack and fix the mess she may have made of her finances. Men are forced to spend their hard-earned savings, or take out an usurious loan, on a diamond ring. Women justify this relatively recent, mid-20th Century ritual, which was spawned by a brilliant 1940′s mass-brainwashing campaign launched by DeBeers, by insisting that a man wants to buy her a diamond and that it makes him proud to be able to proclaim his love and affection towards her in this fashion. Granted there are some men who may be inclined to declare their commitment to a life-long partner in this way, but there are plenty of men whom seek a lifelong partnership and commitment who have no interest in buying diamonds. What choice do these men have? None! To many young men, the ring, catered wedding, and honeymoon in an exotic locale at a five-star hotel is an unwelcome land mine on their journey towards adult financial stability and independence. To add insult to injury, he is now locked into a lifetime of insurance payments for this grossly overpriced jewelry. Contrary to popularly held belief diamonds are not rare at all, but instead are common and inexpensive. Their high price is due to their supply having been artificially manipulated. Some men are more concerned with realising their dream of owning a home and becoming financially stable enough to begin a family and responsibly provide for their welfare. Men worry about these matters, because, ultimately, it becomes their sole responsibility.
The purchase of the diamond ring is a predictor of things to come. Immediately after buying it, the man may be rewarded with bridal demands to finance all or part of a lavish wedding, depending upon the size of his bank account and the ambitions of his fiancée. The average costs of today’s Western Weddings frequently exceed that of a house down payment or, in certain parts of the world, the entire cost of the house itself. If a man enters a marriage having saved up a down payment for his dream home, it can suddenly be snatched right out from underneath him. Many men may object to spending such a large sum of money on what is basically a very expensive one-day, four-hour party. He also will be spending a year of his life planning it, when he could use the same time to further his career or education. However, what a man wants is really not of any concern anymore at this point in the proceedings. His wants, desires, hopes and dreams are ignored almost in their entirety. Her opinions regarding the wedding are frequently non-negotiable. A wedding is no longer an event that is equally for the bride and groom. As many of today’s Bridezilla’s will gleefully remind you, “Today is MY day!”. This gives her licence to become selfish, irresponsible, demanding and childlike. A man who balks at spending his entire life savings, or shouldering a five-figure debt load, for the ring, catered wedding and honeymoon in an exotic locale at a five-star hotel, can and will be labeled as a selfish cheapskate or not a “Real Man”. If a woman leaves such a man for him suggesting that they try to keep their costs under control, she would have the full support of everyone around her as she dumped him.
“She can do better”, “Clearly, he doesn’t love her”, “He doesn’t deserve her”, and similar sentiments will be muttered in quiet circles just out of his earshot. This is a sign of her good self-esteem and healthy self-image, and a sign that she won’t settle for anything less. She is the poster girl for the Modern, Independent Woman.
Imagine if a man demanded equal treatment and asked that she buy him a new bass boat, and a two-week bear hunt in Siberia as a condition of marriage. This would be viewed as absurd, yet women do it every day. Modern Western Marriage is supposedly an equal partnership, isn’t it?
The injustices go from bad to worse when children enter the picture. If he can afford to carry the entire familial financial burden, the woman may now elect to stop working entirely. She will often make this decision regardless of how he may feel about it. The day she stops working is the day that all of her past financial baggage unequivocally gets tossed onto his shoulders. If the woman has racked up substantial credit card debts, these are now his payments to make; if the woman has not bothered to pay off her student loans, these become his responsibility; if she owes an enormous sum on her luxury car note, it is up to him to pay it off. Irony of ironies is that he is now paying for her degree and she isn’t even working anymore! Can he object? Can he say: “No Honey, you made your mess, and it should not be my job to clean it up. You knew that you wanted kids even before you met me, and you should have planned ahead.” No, he cannot. The payments can’t be deferred until she is once again able to continue repaying them herself, not if he wants to retain a clean credit rating to get a loan for their dream home. If he even suggested that she return to work to pay off some of her own debt load, he opens himself to criticisms of being an unsupportive husband and bad father who is endangering the welfare of his children. Now the noose tightens and the responsible husband compensates for the mother’s freewheeling and irresponsible past, and begins slowly to pay off her old debts. In the most twisted turn of events yet, the debt he is paying off may often be on credit cards used to finance Vacations, Hotel Rooms and Christmas gifts shared with previous husbands, boyfriends, fiancés and lovers. Caveat Emptor! This is the reward for today’s man who works hard, makes sacrifices, plans ahead, and invests wisely. By getting married to the typical Modern, Western Woman, the man is certainly susceptible to being railroaded into this situation, because it is completely acceptable within today’s gender roles and societal norms.
Marriage can mean career slavery
Anyone who says, “Slavery is dead” clearly has not contemplated the predicament of the average Western Husband, where a good paycheck can mean career slavery. Merriam-Webster’s English Dictionary defines slavery as “…(T)he state of a person who is a chattel (an item of tangible movable or immovable property) of another person.” If the husband earns enough to support both of them, he would be hard pressed to make an argument to preserve equality and have her continue working as he does. If the wife decides to stop working, the man who has been left holding the financial bag finds his options very limited. He may find himself working in a career that he hates, for abusive and exploitative management, excessively long hours, in a position that is physically dangerous or demanding, in an organisation that has no growth potential, far away from home. At this point, considering the corner he’s been painted into, he is often powerless to affect any positive, meaningful change in his own life. He may have been harbouring delusions that once his wife was able to return to work, he would be able to gain some flexibility to rectify some of the shortcomings in his own career. Perhaps changing careers or accepting a lower salary at a different firm in exchange for better hours, a shorter commute, or more fulfilling work. Nevertheless, the distinct reality is that he will continue to shoulder the financial responsibilities of his family alone. His reward for working hard and getting ahead is to become trapped into his career, and become a specialised beast of burden to an emotionally and financially dependent family. Does it really pay to work hard anymore and apply oneself to his full potential?
If she stops working, she may never work again.
There are many debates about the merits of a stay-at-home mother vs. a working mother. My goal here is to simply educate the prospective husband on frequently unseen risks he is taking on when he agrees to accept 100% of the financial burden to allow his wife to stay at home. An informed decision is less likely to be one that may be regretted later in the marriage.
Every parent will agree that staying home with children is backbreaking and often mind-numbing labour. Many new fathers may concede that it is much easier to go to work than to stay at home with several children. However, the greatest imbalance in efforts and contributions to a marriage can manifest once all of the children are of school age. The house is now empty from 8am-3pm. The wife has 7 hours to herself while the kids are at school and the husband is at work. After a few years of hard work at home, many wives may feel entitled to “kick back” and take it easy. The good, supportive husband, however, has worked those same years, has done his 50/50 of the housework, and is still working just as hard to support the family once the kids are in school. His workload has not diminished, and it may have even increased as her expectations rise. He is rarely afforded the same option to scale back his daytime efforts.
What motivation does the modern wife have to return to work? Very little. For several years now, the man’s salary has been enough to live on. Otherwise, she would have been working to make ends meet. Unless tight finances dictate that she must return to work, the husband really has little say in this matter. The wife can hide behind many different excuses in order not to work, despite having little to do from 8am-3pm. Among the commonest are:
“I’m busy with the housework”
It is easy to exaggerate the labours of daily housework. Yet how long does it take to throw clothes or dishes into the washer, and remove them later? Vacuuming can be done in 1 hour a week. Grocery shopping is another hour per week. A decent meal can be prepared in under an hour. Does all of this add up to 7 hours a day? The lie that housework is hard, time-consuming drudgery is no longer as persuasive as it may have been in the past, because in an age of later marriage, many men are already experienced in cooking, cleaning, and general housekeeping and know that it doesn’t take that much effort or time. Humourously, not every stay-at-home-wife even performs all of these duties.
“I can’t find a job”
She has been out of work too long, and therefore is unable to find a job. This may be true, but many men do not consider this risk when they agree to support her while she “temporarily” stops working. Hopefully now they will, and can make a more informed decision. Many wives may use this as a convenient scapegoat to stop looking for any job at all. The next section describes how this can be used against him in the event of divorce.
“It doesn’t pay for me to work”
In the short run, the expenses of returning to work such as gas, lunch, clothes and day care may not make it worthwhile for her to return to the workforce. This may be true, but does that justify her playing tennis, drinking lattes and ‘catching up with her friends’ while her husband toils away? Many couples may be too shortsighted to thoroughly and comprehensively think through this issue. Initially, the cost to benefits ratio may not be ideal, but her returning to work will improve her job skills and network of contacts and over time the return on investment will improve. More so than strolling through the local mall every afternoon and window-shopping for new window treatments. Over time, as her career gets back on track, and she becomes qualified for better jobs, her salary should also improve.
It should be duly noted that some working wives view their salary as “personal spending money”, and still expect the man to pay all or most of the bills. Western Women are often heard to claim that, “What’s mine is mine, and what’s his is ours.”
Even more unfair double standards that favour wives
Cheating
If a married man cheats, he’s the scum of the earth. He is a selfish jerk that has jeopardised the family unit, done his ‘thinking with his little head’, and disrespected his wife and children. However, when the woman cheats, she’s portrayed as the victim of an insensitive and inattentive husband. “Poor thing, he ignores her. It is for her empowerment, to boost her ego. She deserves it after bearing and rearing his children.” It’s good for her self-esteem. Worse, her cheating is portrayed as the man’s fault. If he works long hours to provide for her and the children, he works too much. If he is tired at the end of the day from 13 hours of manual labour, then he doesn’t compliment her as much as she wants. Into this vacuum of conflicting expectations steps the first man who “makes me feel like a Real Woman again…”. You read that correctly; the man who is scrambling to pay the mortgage and car payments and is working double shifts to pay for the consumer goods she demanded to have is now considered a negligent and emotionally abusive husband. The man who may be working two jobs to allow her to be home with her kids is now considered a candidate for Domestic Violence.
When a woman cheats, the first thing people ask is what he did, or more often, didn’t do, to drive her into the arms of another man.
When a man cheats, no one ever asks the same question.
When a woman cheats, the reaction will be; “Oh, poor thing, I guess her husband couldn’t get the job done in the bedroom”.
When a man cheats, no one ever stops to think; “Oh poor fellow, his wife was horrible in bed.”
Let’s not forget what happens if a man were to leave his wife for a younger woman. This will become fodder at the coffee shop for months. It is automatically assumed that he is a shallow sex maniac whose only motivation was to be with a younger woman. The possibility that his wife was of a generation of women who were taught to hate men and that younger women do not, that she was lazy, or a reckless spendthrift, or verbally or physically abusive, or grossly overweight, or an incompetent mother, are rarely considered and are often totally ignored. The myth is that the only reason a man leaves his wife is to be with a younger, more attractive woman. Never mind if she is a better match for him and a more supportive, nurturing mate.
Pre-Nups
If a man insists on a Pre-Nup, he is selfish and unromantic. However, when is the last time a woman who demanded a Pre-Nup was called “unromantic”? On the contrary, if a woman requests a Pre-Nup, she is being fiscally responsible, sensible and looking out for herself. (Note: If your fiancée refuses to sign a Pre-Nup, she has just shown her hand. Best to leave now.) Why is it that a woman can refuse a Pre-Nup, and it is accepted by society? In reality, the man should be outraged that she is after a legal contract, and not love.
What is astounding is the hypocrisy of the usual reaction towards Pre-Nups. Women can conveniently assert that a man is unromantic if he suggests a Pre-Nup. After all, how can a man pollute true love with the signing of legal paperwork! However, what is a marriage licence? Nothing more than a legal contract entered into between the man, woman and local and state government authorities. A woman does not seem to balk at signing this legal paperwork, which entitles her to at least half the assets a man has accumulated as well as half of everything he earns in the future, and obligates him to support her in perpetuity in the event of a breakup. Why aren’t men allowed to note how unromantic this contract is? The distraction of bridal magazines, place setting selection, floral arrangements, wedding dresses, receptions, wedding showers, and honeymoons have clouded the legal reality of what men are getting themselves into. Marriage is as much an unromantic legal contract as a prenuptial agreement is.
Initially, Pre-Nups were devised as a way to protect women. Nuptial agreements were popularised in the 19th century, mostly to protect heiresses from marrying men who were “out for their money”. Until the Married Women’s Property Act of 1848, under English Common Law, a woman’s property, upon marriage, was usually transferred to her husband.
“Stupid, Irresponsible” Men
Men are severely abused in our media, quite frankly. Just watch any TV commercial or sitcom and see how they portray men as idiots, dolts, or well intentioned, if bumbling, buffoons. If women were portrayed in commercials in the same fashion, “Women’s Organisations” would have a fit. If it weren’t for their wives in these shows and ads the men would be lost “animals”, unable to feed themselves or perform even the simplest of tasks. Other commercials make it appear that men act without thinking, only responding in an impulsive and irrational manner, and that the wife is the brains of the family. Even many women will agree that women often are the ones who act upon emotions and make judgments solely based up on emotional attachments and not logic or reason. Almost every “couples budgeting” article will portray the woman as the one who has to rein in the man’s childish spending, when in truth it is usually the woman who cannot control her expenditures.
Job Loss
If a husband loses his job and is having trouble finding work, the wife is completely and totally justified in threatening to leave him. However, can you imagine the reaction if a husband threatened to leave a wife who was in the exact same position? He would be vilified! If a man loses his job, the woman is justified in resenting the fact that the financial burden lies on her. He is no longer a ‘good provider’. When is a man allowed to resent this very same predicament? If a man is laid off and cares for the household and kids while the wife is working, he may be accused of not pulling his weight! Yet this is exactly the same situation that women demand more recognition for with each passing year! No matter what role the man plays, he loses!
Traditional Roles
It is perfectly acceptable for a woman to demand that a man make a certain salary, drive a certain car, live in a certain part of the city, have a certain job, have the ‘right’ manners, talk a certain way, walk a certain way, behave a certain way, have a degree from the ‘right’ University and dress in a stylish fashion, to be deemed “marriage material” and be able to provide her with the stability she feels she deserves. If a man demands his wife do the cooking and cleaning, he can now be labeled old fashioned and sexist. If he asks her to carry her weight financially, just as he does, he may be criticised as an inadequate provider. If a man insists that his wife honor the conjugal requirements of the marriage contract, he can and will be accused of sexual abuse, sexual assault or rape.
To add insult to injury, some women have gotten so pampered that they not only quit their jobs the day they find out they are pregnant, but they then go out and hire as many nannies, cooks, gardeners and pool boys as their husband can afford. Many Western Wives stay at home and hire someone else to rear the kids and clean up, while they drink lattes and go shopping all day with other pampered “stay-at-home” mothers. Does it pay to work hard and get ahead anymore, if this is how your hard-earned money is squandered?
The concept of the pampered wife is a relatively new one. Most of Western Civilisation was primarily an agricultural economy even up until the 1920′s and 1930’s. Western Wives contributed to the well being of the household by helping on the farm. A man needed a wife as an equal partner. It was not until the 1950′s that the first generation of Western Wives, first in The States and later in Europe, Australia and New Zealand, began to emerge as dead weight. Perhaps this coincides with the spiking of the divorce rate in The States, and later Europe and the other English Speaking Nations, and the rise of Feminism. Perhaps men have become tired of giving so much, while getting so little in exchange.
Divorce
43% of Western Marriages end in divorce, and 70% to 93% of these divorces are initiated by women.
All men should consult a legal professional before marrying, and understand the implications of divorce, because the chances are 1-in-3 that they will participate in one whether they like it, want it, inititate it or not.
Upon divorce, all assets accumulated during and prior to a marriage are subject to division. It has become, simply put. a licence to steal. Even if the woman has not worked in years, and has spent the intervening decade(s) shopping and lunching from 8am-3pm, she is entitled to half, or more, of everything the man worked for during the course of the marriage. Is this fair? How many people would ever agree to a job contract that stipulated that in the event of separation that one party would have to return 50% of the gross amount of everything in the pay packet? No one in his or her right mind would knowingly sign such an agreement. Yet Western Men unknowingly agree to the exact same insanity each time they sign their marriage contract!
“Assets accumulated prior to a marriage are exempt from a divorce”. In theory this is true, in practice it is not. If funds from an account are commingled or combined, it can become marital property. How do funds become commingled, or mixed? If even the smallest sum from a prior account is spent towards the marriage, all of that account will now be considered marital property. Buy your child a lollipop from your own account, and a good lawyer will take one-half of it for your ex-wife when you divorce. If a woman moves into a home the man owned prior to the marriage, it is not safe from divorce. If she so much as hangs up a sheet of wallpaper, puts up draperies, paints a wall, or installs a light fixture, the home is now classified as joint marital property, and is now subject to equal division. Worse actually, the man can be ejected from the home if she makes a false claim of domestic violence, physical abuse, verbal abuse or child abuse. Where is the equality and fairness?
Note: “Equal Division” is also somewhat of a misnomer. Often, she can get upwards of 70% – 90% of the assets, while the man gets the majority of the debts! She gets all of the benefits, he gets all of the responsibilities. This, of course, is just and right and is his reward for working so hard all of those years. He can afford it; she can’t because she was not working.
If you pamper your wife, it can be used against you
Imagine that in the spirit of generosity and kindness that you gave a beggar a hot meal. A generous act, indeed. Now imagine your reaction if that same beggar sues you in court. He is petitioning the judge to have you keep providing him with the food that you gave him willingly, freely, out of a big heart. The judge orders you to keep feeding the homeless man meals, indefinitely, forever, because he has become accustomed to eating those meals! This is categorically absurd, yet this happens to Western Men in divorce court every day. Instead of thanking you for paying her bills for all those years, what you get is the privilege of being legally forced to pay her bills forever!
After having children, many women demand to quit working and stay home. Before the kids came along, many of these same women may have been in careers they hated, working long hours, and enduring long commutes. It is the man’s generosity and dedication to his own career that enables her to walk away from her own career. During a marriage, a man with a stay-at-home wife might work long and grueling hours in order to support her. He will pay the mortgage, the property tax, grocery bill, phone bill, cable bill, Internet bill and electric bill. He also pays for her car, gas money, clothes, and vacations.
As one final slap in the face, the man may be punished for working hard enough to allow his wife to have the luxury of staying at home with the kids. As noted above, after the children are in school, the wife may enjoy a life of leisure and relaxation that is afforded to her by her man’s hard work. In the event of divorce, he will be legally obligated to support her for years or decades to come. Because she stopped working and led a life of leisure, the ex-husband is now responsible for supporting her, forever! History has a tendency of rewriting itself. Originally, a woman may have had a career that she may have hated, and was begging to leave. Western Women often “play” at work and career for a few years after University, and then when they near 30 or grow tired of the workplace they seek out a man to “take her away from all of this”, whatever “all of this” may be. In fact her desire to leave the world of work may have been her motivation to have kids in the first place. But now, in her eyes, and definitely her lawyers eyes, she “gave up” her career for her man and his kids. She is now “owed” all of her “lost income”. His gift of leisure and support to her has now become twisted and is viewed as her sacrifice! Another way in which the situation is turned against him is that he will be characterised as being threatened by her having her own career, and that he forced her to quit her “lucrative career” and stay home with the children. Her lawyer will now attempt to convince the judge that he wanted to “oppress” his wife and “keep her down”. Truthfully now, how many men do you personally know that are upset at having a wife that earns a good living? Many of these misleading stereotypes still run rampant in our society, and are routinely used to the woman’s advantage during a divorce. As a result of her not working, regardless of whether she was minding the home or not, she remains a financial liability.
Generous, caring men who spoil their wives should certainly think twice about how this generosity can later be used against them. The phrase used in divorce court is “She has become accustomed to a certain lifestyle”. A husband’s reward for spoiling his wife today is the legal obligation to spoil her indefinitely, forever. Buy her a luxury car today, and you may be obligated to buy her luxury cars after she leaves you for another man! Yet, imagine a husband that became accustomed to eating a home cooked dinner, or regular conjugal visits. Now imagine the courts obligate the ex-wife to continue cooking for him and sharing her bed with him and his new girlfriend each night, despite being divorced! Inconceivable, but it happens the other way around every day!
The ultimate insult, however, comes when the man loses half or more of his life’s assets even when she has decided to leave him. Yes, a wife can unilaterally decide to kick a man out of his own home, and have the courts force him to continue paying the bills, while she is sleeping with her new boyfriend in the very house the husband worked so long and hard to buy! She can, and often does, spend her alimony check on gifts for her new boyfriend or lover! How is it that the legal system supports a woman who feels entitled to this?
The risks are clear, yet what exactly are men getting out of marriage? Many times, the reasons men get married are unfounded.
Many of the traditional reasons why a man gets married are a myth.
“I won’t die alone”
Wrong. The simple fact is that one spouse WILL die alone. Visit the hospital and go to the terminally ill or cardiac departments. Few people have the time to sit with an ill relative all day and all night. Yes, you may get visitors, but they aren’t having the same thoughts as you are. You’re contemplating your mortality, while they’re wondering what food the hospital cafeteria offers. In the end, even with a loving and supportive family, most of us will leave this world alone, unless you both die simultaneously in an accident of some kind. Your spouse may die fifteen years before you, or you may be in the hospital for your last year. Ultimately, we all die alone. Married or not.
“I won’t grow old alone”
Not necessarily. A marriage can self-destruct at any time. Your partner may initiate divorce at age 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, 45, 50, 55, 60, 65 or 70. Many married people end up in the same position (alone) as if they had never married at all. Now they enter their twilight years broke, as a result of being stripped of half or more of their life’s assets, losing half their retirement and pension funds, and being assessed alimony payments. Experiencing financial devastation from one divorce often may preclude a man from ever marrying again. This is a common observation of many middle-aged Western Women. Q: “Where are all the men?”. A: “He is broke from the divorce settlement, alimony and child support payments.” Thus these women don’t find him marriable, and he grows old alone and poor.
Men are led to believe that not marrying implies only one destiny; that of a solitary monk in a cave, a shunned loner. However, life is not so black and white. Not marrying does not mean you cannot continue to date or have meaningful relationships throughout your life. There are plenty of single people in all age brackets. A bad marriage can be the loneliest of institutions, because most of your emotional outlet and companionship is concentrated into one person who gives back nothing in emotion, affection or support. Young men in their 20′s and 30′s should be more aware of the alternatives that exist in life. They should be aware that marriage is a choice, and is not the only path life has to offer. An informed decision is less likely to be one that is later regretted.
“I’ll get regular sex”
Not from Modern, Western Women. Access to regular sex is the oldest and the most frequently cited reason to marry. Many men now know that Modern, Western Women frequently stop having sex after just a short time of being married. There are plenty of “sexless” marriages. Talk to a few married couples that are honest about their relationship. One or both partners may stop wanting sex after kids, or the sex may be as infrequent as once a year or once every six months, or the wife may only have sex when she wants the husband to buy her something, take her somewhere, or remodel the house. Read the honest opinions of married men on the Internet. Most Western, Married Men will have more sex with their Western Wives in the first six months of their marriage than they will in the next 40 years. Lastly, it remains to be seen whether sex with one exclusive partner for forty years or more is even a natural act, or just a man-made convention. In many Western Nations, the wife is no longer required to have sex with her husband. She can deny him at any time, for any length of time. She can, if she wishes, deny him sex forever and there is nothing that he can do about it. In fact, if he insists that she honor her end of the marriage contract by being available for sexual relations, he can and will be accused of, charged with, and arrested for Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault or Rape.
Marriage is hardly a guarantee of regular sex, as many people are led to believe.
“I’ll have someone to cook and clean for me”
Not necessarily. While a Modern, Western Woman is perfectly justified in quitting her job in the name of staying home with the kids, she can also demand that the husband pay for a cook, a maid, and a nanny. This leaves the man to earn the money, and leaves him to pay for maintenance of household and children, while the wife gets to play at being a housekeeper. Today’s woman is empowered by not performing the traditional housewife duties, regardless of whether she is working or not. If a husband asks that his wife perform traditional household duties because she is not working, he will often be labeled sexist, abusive or controlling, even if he is doing his “traditional role” of paying all the bills, providing for his family, and performing the traditional manly duties of vehicle repairs, maintaining the lawn and house upkeep.
“I have to be married to have kids”
Not anymore. Her ovaries do not physically need a contract at the government center in order to be fertilised by your sperm. Cro-Magnon man had children long before lawyers invented marriage contracts. Often, you do not need to be married in order to share health benefits. You do not need to be married to designate your partner on a life insurance policy. You do not need to be married to own a dream home together. It is ironic that responsible parents who raise a healthy family, but never actually sign marriage paperwork, get less respect than divorced parents or married parents who are ineffective, inattentive or incompetent.
-Having a lifelong, faithful, committed relationship has nothing to do with being “married”.
-Owning a beautiful dream home together has nothing to do with being “married”.
-Rearing healthy, happy, and successful children has nothing to do with being “married”.
-Building a family and life together has nothing to do with being “married”.
-Growing old together has nothing to do with being “married”.
In fact, recent changes in cohabitation, partner and marriage law have proven that the only tangible consequence of marriage is having a formalised separation process that usually requires the talents of an attorney.
You do need to be married in order to throw an extravagant four-hour party, and share the same last name.
You do need to be married in order to involve the state and government in your romantic affairs.
You do need to be married in order give away half of everything you own.
Besides that, marriage does nothing more than introduce lawyers and social workers into your life. These are people that otherwise would have nothing to do with your life or your relationship.
Men need to stop and ask themselves:
“Why exactly am I getting married? What exactly does marriage mean to me in today’s world? What is the benefit to me to get married?”
It is no longer a lifelong commitment, because it can be reversed overnight on her unilateral whim.
Marriage was originally created as a way for families to merge land, property, political power and influence; perhaps people should return to viewing it as just that and nothing more. The rest of it is fake modern TV Fantasy and Tabloid Gossip and Hype polluting the minds of today’s impressionable youth, and a way to keep the multi-billion-per-year wedding industry chugging along. Perhaps the only criteria should be to ask oneself: “How excited am I for us to merge our finances and assets?” When all the fluff and hype are boiled away, that may be the only remaining reality. Spend a day in divorce court, and you’ll see exactly what is real and tangible and lasting about marriage. You’ll see women who signed the marriage contract under romantic pretenses who are now expert laymen attorneys who can cite case law. Bouquet throwing ex-brides now embroiled in warfare to get everything that is coming to them and more! The rest are myths, lies, bold unsubstantiated promises, and maybes. “For better or for worse…”
The Western Divorce rate is 43%. It is higher in some parts of the world such as California, Great Britain and Australia. In Japan the recent change in pension law may have many pensioners out on the street. In India new changes to dowry law have men being threatened by their wives. Consider the number of people who are in a bad marriage, but elect to stay; Men who don’t want to lose 50%, women who know they can’t support themselves alone. Next, think of how many more couples stay together just for the sake of the kids. Of these “forced marriages”, consider how many of these marriages involve infidelity, no sex, or sleeping in separate beds or separate rooms. I estimate the percentage of happy and monogamous marriages to be under 5%. Are these odds you would take in a business venture, investment or loan? Most of the risk-averse population would not. Yet they seek this exception to the rule everyday through marriage.
Wow. I love the honesty in your writing especially on a topic such as marriage that can be so polarizing. You can tell people want to have their opinions heard when there are over 500 comments. I’ll stand on the sidelines for a bit and let the battle continue.
MZ
December 23, 2011 at 10:39 am
The purposes of my comments are to educate men to some facts about today’s western women and maybe, just maybe, some women will take heed of what MANY men are discussing today. Gents today’s western woman will literally suck the life from you so get ready, men young and old listen up; if you are pondering marriage or living with a woman better give these FACTS some thought.
• Did you know that should your marriage/relationship break up and its 50/50 if you’re lucky, that it will, she will 80% of the time be the one to initiate it?
• You are going to spend $5,000-$10,000 on a ring or you’re considered cheap!
• You will spend your next 3 years salary on HER ideal wedding!
• Abuse is a 50/50 statistic, in other words she is just as likely as a man to abuse you but the difference is you are suppose to take it and she is FAR more likely to use a weapon!
• Western women today are just as likely to have extra marital affairs as men! And should this happen it is FAR more likely that it is you, the man, that will pay for her indiscretions. She is 75% more likely to keep the children, house and furniture and the MAN will continue to make the mortgage payments while she continues life as if nothing happened! If the man fools around he still pays the price. The courts have become so slanted that western men are avoiding marriage in droves!
• It takes a man an average of 5 years to recover financially and emotionally from a divorce where a woman is a matter of months.
• Your ex can, at a whim, deny visitation of your children even though you have been paying ¾ of your income to her without missing a payment and there is NOTHING you can do!
• There is ONE man EVERY day that commits suicide in Canada because divorce devastates him financially and emotionally. I am 6’1” and weighed 220 lbs, my first marriage I lost 60 lbs in 3 months because of the stress. My second I lost 50.
• Sex becomes a reward/punishment tool that women exercise at every possible turn.
I have been married twice, both ex’s had affairs, I spent MILLIONS of dollars trying to keep them happy but in the end it was for not. I am well educated, good looking; have many talents, keeping a woman happy I thought would be feasible. Not a western woman, through my experience and discussions with MANY other men, a western woman is virtually impossible to please.
She wants to be taken care of but cares for nothing but herself, she wants her girls night out but lookout if you go out with the boys, she wants you to watch her romance movies with her (training on how a man should behave) but forget about watching a hockey or football game, ask her if she would mind buying you a $10,000 watch or a new sports car after all that’s the equivalent of what you are going to spend on her ring and the wedding. And if you think it’s because you make more money than her that she will not buy you these things, think again. There are more women in middle & upper management today than there are men; they are better educated than men. There are FAR more women in university than men.
I am close to 50 now, I workout and I still look pretty good, I have girls in their early 30s interested (helps to be a singer) however I am FAR more selective of who I date. So men of all ages DO NOT MARRY!!!!!!!!!! And if you do, good luck because that’s all you have is luck.
Today’s western woman is fickle, spoiled, lazy and has a DEEP sense of entitlement! Look at the commercials and TV shows, men are always portrayed as stupid klutzes that need a woman around to straighten him out. Women on TV can indiscriminately smash a man with her fist or any weapon in reach and it’s funny. She can burn or throw his cloths out the window in a commercial and its justified even funny. And let me tell you, women buy into what’s on TV far more than men do! To them its reality!
Gents, never date, only sleep with woman that claim their marriage broke up because “it just didn’t work out”. That’s code for ‘he didn’t do what I told him”!
Men are portrayed as useless, without feeling entities to be dumped upon. So gentlemen as you read this, is that what you think of yourself?
Western woman as you read this you are saying to yourself, “he’s just bitter cause she left him”. Nope I am bitter because I spent 30 years and $2,000,000 doing all I could trying to please 2 women. I bought them horses, new cars, watched those ridiculous romance movies, distanced my good friends and family and I am left with very little, having to start all over again while the 2 of them have homes paid for! And society ignores men as if they are garbage. Girls the movies are not real; TV is not reality and if you want men to behave like the ACTORS in a FICTIONAL romance then you better behave like a porn star in the bedroom!
I no longer believe western woman are capable of love. There may be VERY rare cases where this is not true but gentlemen; would you bet all you have and all you’re going to have on odds that are 95% against you?
Men in closing DO NOT MARRY A WESTERN WOMAN! It will more than likely be the BIGGEST mistake of your life! You have a VERY slim chance of being successful and it is almost entirely up to her whether or not your relationship will succeed!
Dan Williams
December 24, 2011 at 4:51 pm
Wow.. great insight. Thank you
EC
January 5, 2012 at 1:19 am
Hmm, I think you need to consider that this happened to you twice; perhaps YOU are the common denominator here not an entire race of women?!? Absolute garbage.
Melbourne
January 10, 2012 at 4:04 pm
I’m with ‘Melbourne’, perhaps you are the problem. Not all women are like this, I’m certainly not. My fiance and I are getting married next year and I don’t expect him to spend 3 years salary on the wedding of my dreams, in fact we are both putting in equal share and I’m actually the one that wants something smaller. I also never expected a $5-$10k engagement ring, the value is not important.
I get where you’re coming from but don’t lump the entire female race into the same basket as your ex-wives.
Ashlee
January 21, 2012 at 8:08 pm
Dear author;
If only the execution matched the quality of the ideal. Stray from generalizations, and use facts. For instance, cite divorce case FACTS that favor your argument. You will proselytize more. At the moment, you can only attracted bitter, disenchanted male divorcee stereotypes. Yet it is the average person’s vote you need to truly solidify what’s been long held as a niche, counter-cultural movement by popular media.
I believe men striking against marriage is the next stage in Western sociological evolution.
Cheers.
Ben Casem
December 26, 2011 at 3:56 am
Two things Ben. Firstly, why use the word bitter? I get so tired of this. If I said it rains a lot on Scotland does that make me bitter? If I told you not to buy a certain make of car as it is prone to breaking down, does that make me bitter? Speaking the truth and trying to help people from making mistakes is not bitterness.
Secondly, I agree, a strike against marriage is the next stage for Western society but I would not call it evolution. It really is a sorry state of affairs, modern day feminism has already put Western society on it’s knees, a similar movement from men will flatten it.
Bob
December 27, 2011 at 12:12 am
Haha. Thinking about the town we live in. I am the 46 year old Anglo that just responded to this post. We have a reputation for being a community of hippies. I was at work one day when a tourist asked me where they could find the hippies. I reflexively pointed him to our local tavern. Almost every woman in town is pretty much just like me. We just differ by age. Almost every woman in town is married. I can’t think of a couple I know here that isn’t basically happy. It’s much different from the town I was born in where I thankfully left my ex.
Yeah, I think that’s the key. You guys are superficial.
Anonymous
January 5, 2012 at 6:49 pm
Hey fella’s, don’t be superficial, take a leaf out of this lady’s book. Cast aside your spouse and chidren, cast aside responsibilty, donlt worry about those you hurt, and run away to live a life that caters to your every desire. You damned fools, learn from her, thankfully leave your families and keep the institution of marriage alive. After all, it’s all about you!
Bob
January 6, 2012 at 3:21 am
Maybe you should read other books.. avoid 19th century darwinian jargon crap
Castro
January 5, 2012 at 2:24 am
Sorry.. this was comment was directed to Bens comment
Castro
January 5, 2012 at 2:28 am
Ben. Maybe you should read other books.. avoid 19th century darwinian jargon crap
Castro
January 5, 2012 at 2:32 am
You people are nuts. My ex-husband has almost all of our marital estate. I don’t even have my diploma from what was our home. He just took custody of our children because I moved in with my boyfriend to avoid becoming homeless and causing the kids to enter another school district. He would never have had a job had he not married me. He works with my father.
My current boyfriend, gets a gourmet meal anytime he wants one. They are much better than anything you could buy in the area. I would have sex with him at least twice a day if he wanted. The last time we had sex was this morning. Yes he got a BJ. We have earth shaking sex. We just got out of the tub after relaxing with a glass of wine. Before that we were out kayaking and fly fishing. I am making home made pizza right now. We hike every day. He goes to watch football and play dominos with his brothers whenever he wants to go. I am not working right now because I wanted to be home with the children I just lost. I do however, have a doctorate. He is a fireman/EMT.
I do suck at house cleaning. I am two years older than my boyfriend. We do chores together. I read, crochet, and make jewelry as a hobby.
I supported my last boyfriend and I am still paying my own bills from the small amount of oil income I could track down from my marital estate. My ex refuses to turn over a list of our joint assets. During that marriage, I worked the almost the entire time as a practice owner of my veterinary hospital.
My current boyfriend and I are discussing marraiage. We are trying to figure out a good way that we can produce passive income so we can continue to have the fun we have now. As I sit here typing this I am sitting here nude in the bed while he builds me a closet.
I am a white, 46 year old, Anglo-Saxon Anglican. I think I rock my boyfriend’s world and if he didn’t agree, there is a line of younger men behind him that think I would rock their world. Most of them have more to offer me materially than he does. That just isn’t where it is at for me right now. I’m with this boyfriend because he is the sweetest, most gentle man I have ever known and we have a hell of a lot of fun together. We live and belong to a community we love. We enjoy our life together. You don’t have a happy relationship because you are superficial so that is what you attract.
Anonymous
January 5, 2012 at 6:31 pm
So you left your husband and kids, moved to another area and shacked up with another man. Is that supposed to convice men that marriage is a worthwhile path to follow?
As for having sex, cooking food, occasionally working and sharing the chores with your boyfriend…. well, what do you want, a round of applause?
Do you wish to be admired for not financially wiping out your ex husband and children?
How are your children coping whilst you are sucking your boyfriends cock, lounging around drinking wine in a bath, going fishing and kayaking, and eating gourmet meals? Do they miss their mother? Are they eating healthily? Are they doing their homework? Are they getting the best start to life that a mother can offer?
Bob
January 6, 2012 at 3:10 am
“shacked up with another man”, once again with the brilliance of your gender, you didn’t listen. her husband took their house in their split, and you berating her because she chose a caring home instead of the street. “LEFT her kids”?? her husband got custody, she isn’t responsible for taking care of them because her ex TOOK her children, how is she meant to keep them “eating healthy” and “doing their homework” when she isn’t ALLOWED to care for them. This page mentions unfair roles, such as men are cast as the family “providers” and you despise when men fail at this role they are shunned, the irony being that when women struggle with THEIR cast role as carers for the family and are stunned qually as much, YOU SHUN HER ALSO. perhaps if you are so hell bent on those roles to be forgotten maybe you should start by playing down ALL the roles presented rather than just the ones which would BENEFIT you if they no longer played apart in marriage. As for “getting the best start to life a MOTHER can offer” how is she meant to accomplish this when she was left with less then nothing from the split?? this page speaks volumes of the financial strife MEN can be left in from a divorce, in fact you mention it as “wiping out [her] ex husband” but when the WOMAN is left with less then you deem it to be commendable rather than unfair, and when she could be living of her boyfriend is doing everything to be self-sufficient and responsible you continue to say she is an UNFIT MOTHER.
my recommendation to you, ‘bob’, rather than down talking just the roles which restrict you as a male then dishing out criticisms of the same cut to others from roles similar to the ones you find so deplorable, stand up for a true equalization of roles and resist ALL roles which restrict EVERYONE unfairly. rather than just fighting for little old you, you, you.
Lisa
January 16, 2012 at 9:58 pm
America is bipolar county 99% on med . women has no sex drive . women in usa need vaigra not men ,men need vaigra becuase women are cold , did you people ever think the government add PETER SALT to food so they make money ? women love make believe TV story / move and build a realty in there own mind that they should be treated like the move . BOYCUT LAWYERS . HOW ? love each other . example lawyers in china can’t drive benz . they do in usa cuz women are small minded no mater how many year they go to school . writers make money of small minded women who buy there books not only they buy the books but they get there mind washed and reporgramed to rebel aginst the one they married , men cheat cuz women don’t know how to keep a man , the writer who wrote men from mars and women from venus is rich becuase you women are nit wits and prove that you can be missled . women are nothing in usa but sheeps led by a sheperd that sheperd can be tv / move / writer .example america not on line but on camera showing there nude for cheap price . women has no self respect it’s not in there nature . and women keep saying where the good men are lol you women chase them away BAHAHAHA .
Anonymous
January 16, 2012 at 11:17 pm
I’m not fighting for anyone inparticular Lisa. Just concerned about breakdown of the family unit and what it is doing to society as a whole.
You’re trying to put words into my mouth, you’re also assuming far too much.
I am equally critical of men who don’t do their best for their kids.
If you read her post again you will see why her husband got the kids and house because she moved out the area to shack up with her boyfriend.
You are sayng she is not responsibe for her kids, does that also apply men who don’t get custody? By your reasoning they’re all now free from their responsibilites as a parent. That doesn’t help kids and society much does it?
The truth is you’re talking horseshit. Divorced or not a parent has a duty to their kids, no excuses.
I tell you,were I in that womans postion I wouldn’t be lounging around. I’d be working every waking hour so I could live near them, be there for them and provide the best future possible for them. My wants, desires and “needs” would come a long way down the list of what is important. That would be my role as a parent.
BTW, you are the one criticising a gender here, not me.
Bob
January 17, 2012 at 5:50 am
your a lying phoney bitch…most men can sse through your bogus crap. Homemade pizza…give me a FN break!
abner
January 6, 2012 at 8:39 am
lying nude in bed while he builds you a closet…I almost barfed on that one!! Be sure he doesn’t get sawdust in your…..
abner
January 6, 2012 at 8:41 am
Excellent article.. I should have listened to my friends.. they really cared about me..
Marriage.. big mistake…
Anonymous
December 27, 2011 at 3:45 am
I’ve been married 13 years, so has my business partner. We both work hard. We both have two kids and neither of our wives work. We both earn the same money, live in similar houses and provide the same for our families.
When I get home I cook, clean, deal with spoilt kids, garden, decorate, fix cars, go shopping, listen to eternal pointless babble, get bitched at and have sex once a month. Nothing I do is good enough. Nothing we have is good enough. My wife is fat, lazy, childish, selfish, greedy, jealous, possesive, moody, manipulative, ungrateful and wallows in self pity.
He goes home to a clean house, dinner on the table and well behaved kids. He is then allowed an hour in the pub before going returning home, relaxed, fed and happy to his loving wife. She often helps him wth decorating and gardening. He often tells me of how he is woken in the morning with a blowjob. She packs him fantastic lunches to take to work (and will often pack one for me too). She is non-materialistic and appreciates everything he does.
When I was laid up with a slipped disc I was bitched at because money was tight, because she had to walk the dog and because I didn’t take her out. When he was laid up with a slipped disc she fed him, bathed him, massaged him and found temporary work to help with money.
When I bought my wife a jacket for xmas she handed it back and demanded I change it for something else. When he bought his wife a jacket she loved it and wore it everywhere because he bought it for her.
All the time he’s at work she is working at home so that he can come home and relax. My wife is sat on her arse, eating, drinking, yapping and waiting for me to do the chores with her.
He will be married all his life. I will be divorced as soon as the kids are out the home.
My wife is your typical English woman, his is your typical Fillpina.
Boys, if you’re gonna marry, head East.
Anonymous
December 29, 2011 at 8:28 am
I am so sorry this has been your experience. If God ever blesses me with a loving husband, I will definitely try to be more like your friend’s wife.
Anonymous
December 30, 2011 at 6:36 pm
I can’t tell by your comment if you are not married or are married to an unloving husband. Just wondered. I am assuming you are not married at this time.
Jim
December 31, 2011 at 9:08 am
Be like my friends wife and you will bless yourself with a loving husband. Most men will move mountains for a woman like that.
Anonymous
December 31, 2011 at 2:04 pm
EXACTLY RIGHT!!!!!! I would have moved mountains!!!!
Anonymous
January 2, 2012 at 12:52 am
“It is perfectly acceptable for a woman to demand that a man make a certain salary, drive a certain car, live in a certain part of the city, have a certain job, have the ‘right’ manners, talk a certain way, walk a certain way, behave a certain way, have a degree from the ‘right’ University and dress in a stylish fashion, to be deemed “marriage material” and be able to provide her with the stability she feels she deserves”?
……:O Seriously?
All I have ever demanded from a man was a twinkie…. Hmmm… Maybe I should have higher standards…
Anonymous
January 12, 2012 at 1:15 pm
The point was not that every woman demands that laundry list before deigning to be seen in public with a man, but that it is acceptable if she sets her standards as such. It is also acceptable to dump a man and eject him from his home and family if he fails to live up to her standards. So, while you may not have ever demanded more than a twinkie, yes, really, you could demand a whole lot more without being seen as unreasonable or materialistic.
The corrollary that you skipped over is that while she can demand that he is the sole provider, and it is acceptable for her to unilaterally decide to change from a dual income to a single earner household, he can not demand that she continue working, continue not working, nor even, should she decide to quit working, insist that she cook, clean, etc., or he’ll be called a neanderthal, out of touch, etc.
Men do not get to unilaterally chose to be dependent on their spouse’s income. Women can change roles whenever they like without consequence. Men who do so are bums, wimps, manginas, etc., and are largely ridiculed by women and men alike.
Put simply, men are accountable, women are not. In most cases, society’s requirement for women is ‘to show up’, and even that requirement is largely diluted to “…when she wants to”.
It may be that you’ve only demanded a twinkie, but we’re not talking about you, specifically, nor does that passage make the claim that *every* woman makes the same list of demands. To your point, my ex never failed to remind me how much better she could do than me. She felt that her looks alone entitled her to a far more luxurious and responsibility-free life than I provided.
Anonymous
January 12, 2012 at 1:56 pm
I am a man and I believe that it is a woman’s right to stay at home and have the man provide all of the household income. But that does not mean that she has the right to demand an expensive lifestyle or that the man should work himself to death to provide for her. She should be content with whatever her husband is able to provide for her.
A wife’s duty is too demanding for her to do extra work outside the house. If she does, it will be at the expense of the family, and I would rather live on one income to have my wife stay at home. The problem is finding a woman that upholds those principles and is not into the “feminism” crap.
dbncoold
January 19, 2012 at 10:57 pm
If that’s the relationship that you want, fine. I’m not knocking families that (mutually) chose to have one parent working and the other ‘home making’.
The complaint is that when she unilaterally does it, and expects the husband to make up the difference.
For what it’s worth, I’m a single parent with a house. There’s not that much extra work involved. We don’t have wood burning stoves and iceboxes, we don’t wash clothes in a bucket, and we don’t have to take all the rugs out and beat them. We have dishwashers, clothes washers, vacuums, stoves and refrigerators. The idea that it’s a heavy life of drudgery to be a housewife is bunk.
I see plenty of housewives that have a day full of idle time, paid for by their husband, and they trash the dude all day long to their friends, then hop in the SUV for another helicopter parenting event.
Then, when it comes time for divorce, she gets the kids, because she’s “home all day with them”, she gets the house “because the kids deserve it”, he gets cut off from all of it, and still has to work like a dog to pay for it, and it’s worse in states that have alimony.
She doesn’t have any skin in the game. There’s little downside to divorcing for her. The value of what he puts in to the family is punished, not rewarded. Her idleness is rewarded.
wayne
January 20, 2012 at 5:24 am
@wayen – I agree. My idea of a home maker is not the type of a woman that you describe, whose job is to jump from one mall to another and from one “event” to another, just living her life while the husband works day and night to provide for her. What I am referring to is the woman that is really creative and does not take the task of home making lightly, but rather turning the home into a beautiful place, and maintaining it like that. Basically this would be her day job. It is something that most men are incapable of – certainly not me.
And your points about divorce are completely valid. Under these biased, unfair laws the man gets punished for putting together a family, while the woman gets rewarded for breaking it. They need to get fixed, otherwise women will continue to abuse them.
dbncoold
January 22, 2012 at 7:20 pm
But when we aspire to do these things, despite also having a job, we’re criticized as being control freaks as clearly outlined in my below posts. I have a husband who does not appreciate having a clean, organized, beautiful home to come home to.
Anonymous
January 27, 2012 at 8:27 am
…and if all that wasn’t enough to deter marriage….there is a new western woman trick in town. Its called the if he doesnt leave when you tell him to ….just call the police and say he threatened you!!!!!…..Then the poor shmo is going in for the real battle. You dont need evidence just a good bullshit story and you will win 100% of the booty. when I wouldnt admit to the accusation and produced tapes and witnesses that confirmed my wife had been trying to set me up for a year….the law just shifted from prosecution of a criminal case to helping her cheat me in a civil case……they held the charges over my head until the civil court judge cheated me out of my half of the home all my property….the money from my fathers inheritance and then left me on the streets…………and if thats not disgusting enough……these animals did it to me while i was ill!!!!!! i was in and out of the emergency room for a year until i figured out that a med that the doctor was givng me made me ill…..my ex and her family said i was no longer a good earner and “had a plan to get me out of the house” so they taped me starting about a month after i was released from the chest pain center!!! imagine what scum american woman are? they made themselves believe that this was ok to do. it took a year of torturing me while i was sick till they finally were ready to spring their trap!!! we think its the women that are garbage in the west but really its the government policy to enslave the men!!!! the court didnt care about me at all……they stole my dead fathers inheritance….can you even imagine that???????…..what makes me laugh the most is when women cry on my shoulder that no man will love then in connecticut and that all the available men run ……but then i ask them how their last relationship ended and they tell tales of restraining orders and complete victory in their divorces……..oh yea you better believe its blow job if i can get it and then get away from me skank
Anonymous
January 13, 2012 at 4:55 pm
WOMEN ARE IDIOTS BY NATURE . WOMEN CAN’T FIND ALL THE QUALTY IN ONE MAN , SO THEY NEED A MONEY MAKER WHO’S ALLWAYS TIRED . A MAN TO FUCK HER . A MAN WITH SIX PACK WHO GO TO THE GYM BUT THAT MAN HAS ONE CHOICE …LIFT WIEGHT OR FUCK HER OTHERWISE HE CAN’T DO BOTH . A MAN WHO CAN BRING HER FLOWERS . A MAN TO BUY HER A JAGUAR . A MAN TO GIVE HER BABY . A MAN TO COMPLAIN ABOUT HER HUSBAND . AND A MAN TO LOVE HER . AFTER AL THAT THE BITCH ARE FAT LOL OHH AND A DOCTOR TO GIVE HER MED . THEN AFTER SHE WILL CRY TO JERRY SPRINGER Bahhahhahaa .
Anonymous
January 16, 2012 at 11:42 pm
Please don’t get mad for my saying so but Everyone should just take the article as it is. These are the descriptions of how men “can”, and some do, get screwed over. The fact is there are probably 5 times as many articles out there detailing how woman believe men are scum and that none of them are good fathers or husbands. I personally can appreciate another prospective to the one commonly held by Society that all Men are out to get and take advantage of women and that women will always be victims. The Fact is there are good men and bad men, good women and bad women. There are wonderful women who take great care of their Husbands, making sure he is well feed, sexually satisfied and giving him and their children all the love they could ever need even though some of them have horrible, sometimes even abusive, husbands they should have left a long long time ago. Just as there are men who take excellent care of their wives, being unselfish in bed, providing home and financial security, and being loving and kind to her and their children, even though some of these guys have selfish wives who could care less about his needs and would like nothing better than for him to die and leave behind the insurance money. I do feel in general the “hardships” of men in relationships and marriages gets downplayed and swept under the rug too much. It just seems to much for society to take sometimes that it is in fact both men and women that need to look inward to find and acknowledge their own flaws before pointing out the flaws of the opposite sex, and not just men that are screwing up all the relationships in the world.
Anonymous
January 18, 2012 at 7:01 pm
Women are the scum of the earth. Thank god my son listened to me and has never married. He has a very good job with an excellent salary. He just finished building a mansion of a house on 26 acres of land, owns two beautiful vehicles, quad, motorcycle, travels as he likes and is free as bird to do as he pleases. I warned him that women are vipers only looking for a man to rape financialy, She will have all your money and living in your house with her new man while your broke rotting away in some trailer park. Don’t date women or even associate with them. If you need a women, hire a professional, believe me it’s the intellgent thing to do and you will die happy and free.
Larry
January 20, 2012 at 11:11 am
B4 MARRIED A SLUT RUN A BACK CHECK ON HER IF SHE DRINK DO DRUGS SELL HER PUSSY TO PAY FOR HER PHONE BILL OR HER CAR PAYMENT MANY WOMAN VISIT DATE SITE AND REPLY TO MAN ADD AND BLOW OR HAVE SEX FOR 50- 75 DOLLAR ,( MANNY WOMEN WILL WASH THERE PUSSY WITH VINIGER SO HER MAN CAN’T TELL . MANY MARRIED WOMEN WILL TELL HER MAN SHE’S VISITING A FRIEND , BUT THE TRUTH IS BOTH WORK ESCORT SERVICE , THERE IS NO DEVIL WOMEN IS THE DEVIL . I DON’T WAN’T TO MARRY A WOMEN WHO SLEPT WITH EVREY MAN IN TOWN , THEN AFTER I END UP MARRING HER AND EVREY ONE SAY I FUCK HIS WIFE , I DON’T WANT TO THINK B4 I KISS HER HOW MANY COCK SHE SUCK . I DON’T WANT TO THINK HOW MANY COCK SLID IN HER ROTTEN HOLE .IF I WAN’T TO MARRY A GIRL SHE HAVE TO BE VIRGIN YES VIRGIN AND YOU CAN FIND THEM . YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HER PAST . AND I WILL WORK HARD FOR HER BECUASE SHE’S PURE , UNLIKE THE GUM GUZZLER WHO DEMAND EVREY THING, MOST WOMEN IF THEY HAVE SPEED-METER ON THER MOUTH AND VAGINA IT WOULD READ TURNED TWICE AND SHE WANT A HOUSE AND A CAR AND AND AND LOL . IT COST ME LITTLE TO TRAVEL TO GERMANY,ITALY. FRANCE AND STAY IN AMSTERDAN AND HAD AN APARTMENT IN THE RED LIGHT EREA WITH PLENTY OF KY AND CONDOM AND HAD GERMAN ,DUTCH.ROMANIAN,ITALIAN.RUSSIAN,TURKISH WOMEN AND THEY KNOW HOW TO FUCK UNLIKE THE DEAD SEA IN USA = WOMEN .A MAN CAN FUCK 20 WOMEN FROM 20 DIFFERENT COUNTY IN AMSRETDAM AND WILL COST HIM VERY LITTLE , TRY TO MARRY ONE WOMAN IN USA AND IT WILL COST YOU EVREY THING YOU HAVE . USE A CONDOM B4 YOU FUCK AMERICAN WOMAN ,THEY OUT TO GET YOU MEN .
Anonymous
January 20, 2012 at 6:10 pm
This was an interesting article. As a highly educated, attractive female in my mid 30s, I find myself agreeing and disagreeing. In my own case, I am a mother and have a six-figure paycheck. Other than 6 months after the birth of our child, I have worked since I was 15 years old. My husband has a job which pays equally well. I have no household help, no nanny and rarely get a babysitter. I do 100% of the household work (and I am obsessive about having a beautiful, clean and organized home), grocery shopping, cooking, I arrange 100% of care related to our child (picking and touring preschools/elementary schools, birthday parties, new clothes, haircuts, after school activities, friends over, taking off when she is sick, finding camps for school breaks), I pay her tuition at a private school (which is similar to the mortgage), as well as 50% of all the bills excepts the mortgage because the house is only in his name. I have no debt of any kind, a bit of savings toward retirement, a small emergency fund and have never asked my husband for a dime. He has also never tried to help or support me financially. The most expensive gift he has ever gotten me was a new laptop, which I did appreciate.I am generally stressed, tired and left with no energy to pursue the hobbies and interests that I once enjoyed.
I go along with the status quo in order to continue saving money for the day when I can leave and support myself and our child in a similar lifestyle knowing if I walk away I do just that. Why? This man provides no emotional, social, physical, or financial support. He is criticial, judgmental, stingy, demanding, entitled and does absolutely nothing to help me run the house – I have to travel for work some and when I return home it takes me days to get the house back in order, our child on a schedule. He never wants to attend social events or dine out or take a trip. He makes everything extremely difficult, doesn’t plan anything, is content to stare at a computer screen every waking hour after work. He refuses to groom himself (is, get a haircut, shower daily) despite being an attractive man. He adores our child and is a good father and I would never deny him or our child the opportunity to be together. Another reason why I continue to stay, suck up my own misery and just keep things together is so they will have the proximity to one another that living in the same house provides. I have come to feel repulsed by him physically which is what I think happens for women when none of our needs are met at a basic level. I’m certain he can’t be happy in this situation either, but refuses to make any changes after much discussion and arguing. I find myself “angry” and do NOT want to be this person. I think the only way to avoid it is to get out.
MOST if not all of the women in our neighborhood and many friends of mine stay at home. MOST drive luxury cars, spend hours in the gym, lunch out, go to the spa, etc ad nauseum. Many are starting with the fake boobs, the shots and fillers, the fancy shopping sprees.They are mean and abusive to their spouses and none of them do housework (at least not themselves). I’m lucky if I find a couple hours to workout each week, luckier still if I can catch up with friends on occasion. Even better if I don’t have stains on my clothes from our child’s latest art project or snack. I value my time with our child and try to plan fun activities together or just enjoy being home, cooking, playing the piano. I try to keep up with my appearance, always try to look nice, stay in shape. I wanted a partner in life. To be respected and understood. To create a home together. To weather the tides. To provide comfort and friendship and love in a safe environment. Marriage does not look at all like this from my stance.
Would I want to change places with any of the friends/neighbors I described above? NO! At least I have the freedom to walk away and would be just as content in a small house of my own that I can afford on my own. If I do walk away, it will be to a life as a single person and I will never marry again. I would be lying to say I’ve never felt envious of all the women I know who do NOTHING and have EVERYTHING. It’s human. But, I also think it’s wrong. I see their looks of judment and condescension because I don’t wear a $10,000 ring, drive a luxury car, have a man that showers me with trips and jewels. I honestly don’t want that and I truly see the point of the article and understand where this man is coming from. But why do men search these women out? Would a feeling of security be nice? A feeling that I could have had more than one child because I had time to take off from my demanding job to nurture as a mother should? Yes. This feeling of being taking advantage of, devalued, not appreciated (especially as a mother), not adored, cherished or loved works 2 ways and not every woman stands to gain from the loss of the hopes and dreams associated with having married and seeing that marriage become a source of anxiety, depression, and a feeling of failure. It has been a hard road gentleman, and I understand your feelings. Working and being separated from my child during the crucial early years of development has been so difficult, but I somehow knew I needed to keep going because I wouldn’t have any support otherwise. I feel fortunate that I can provide for myself and my child on my own. He told me once when I suggested parting ways that I would have to pay him child support and what makes me thing I would get custody. I don’t know what would happen, but I refuse to fight over money or define my life by what I could “get” from anyone. He is the father of my child and why would I want that for her. But I also remember life before all this, at least feeling good about myself and cherished by the men I had dated.
I am determined not to go down a road of bitterness and I hope that each of you will find within yourselves the compassion, empathy and kindness you’ve been looking for. And, then, I hope you’re able to offer it to a deserving woman. Not a mean, superficial, lazy, shallow one. And, I agree, WHY marry???!!!
Anonymous
January 25, 2012 at 8:06 am
It indeed works two ways. Thanks for the insight.
Anonymous
January 25, 2012 at 8:17 am
>As a highly educated, attractive female in my mid 30s…
Blah blah blah. You’re a typical American female who expects us to believe that you’re above average in every way (ie, a victim of the Dunning-Kruger Effect). And you’ve shoved your child into daycare to be raised by strangers.
>He has also never tried to help or support me financially.
Prolly because you’re a control freak, as outlined earlier in this same paragraph. (“I do 100% of the household work (and I am obsessive about having a beautiful, clean and organized home”)
>This man provides no emotional, social, physical, or financial support.
Peddle your sob story elsewhere sister. We don’t believe it. We know better. We know that, on average, women can’t handle their money well, are just as abusive as men (if not moreso) and are more likely than men to break the marriage vows with divorce.
CC
January 25, 2012 at 10:35 am
You should really ease up on the helicopter parenting and greatly reduce the control freak in you.
Your husband most likely doesn’t support you in any way because you give off the vibe that you don’t want/need that (and he knows that he can’t take your words at face value, only your actions).
Do yourself, your kid and your marriage a favour and relax.
Anonymous
January 25, 2012 at 11:07 am
Whoever you are, you actually made me laugh with that comment. You know, you’re probably right. I think I do appear as if I’ve got it all under control even though I don’t and maybe he just doesn’t know how to step in. Even so. I’ve made it to 3 days without asking him if he could now take the overflowing, 3 bags lined up against the wall garbage to the curb. Guess who takes it in the end? It sounds inane. But, those things really do accumulate over time, especially when children enter the picture. Maybe I do need to relax but someone has to keep things running, right? I’m actually a pretty laid back parent. Not so much cleaning ( I guess what you like least stresses you out most in this case). Anyway, you made me laugh and you weren’t really brutal. Thanks.
Anonymous
January 25, 2012 at 11:28 am
Don’t expect him to shed years of conditioning in a few days. Show him that you want
HIM to be the man (instead of yourself). As a guy I find masculine controlling women quite
a turn-off. From your writings you sound like you use your perfectionism as a shield.
Show him that you’re vulnerable and that you WANT him to protect you (even if you really don’t need him to).
That you don’t want to destroy the family over this is admirable, especially in these times
where the “me me me first” attitude is prevalent; but please don’t expect a medal for it.
Anonymous
January 25, 2012 at 11:38 am
I really appreciate your responses. You’re clearly intelligent. It’s interesting because I think I have taken on the “masculine” role just because I feel like I’m damned if I do or damned if I don’t (at work, I don’t have the luxury of appearing vulnerable and maybe that spills over at home). I’m certainly vulnerable as a parent at times (am I doing this right, what weird childhood memory is this reaction linked to, how can I improve, where do I fall short, etc.) At these times, though, he is not very reassuring. So, then I probably clam up more. I also don’t think women can FEEL attractive if they are taking on the masculine role. At least I can’t. The man I was with prior to meeting my husband was a very dominate, type A personality and the chemistry was intense. I think we are who we are but, by virtue of our relationship roles, we can tweak our “chemistries” to our own detriment.
By the way, I don’t expect a medal. At the same time, I saw my parents divorce while in their 60′s after decades of marriage. It was a battle and I don’t know that either of them were better off not having done it earlier. We kids knew what was up. I don’t begrudge them their unhappiness in marriage, if you will, but I do wish they’d done it sooner. I guess, that impacts why I’m trying to figure all this out now. I care what happens to my husband. I care what happens to our child and I care what happens to me (for the simple fact that I am a mother). I don’t want him to be miserable, broke, or hopeless. I don’t want to negatively change the trajectory of our child’s life splitting up. But, I am a bit fed up.
Anonymous
January 25, 2012 at 11:51 am
More like hard learned life lessons. Deep down all women want to be led (don’t listen to the feminists, they’re a bunch of miserable, misguided, sexually frustrated hags who want to drag you down to their level of misery, which gives them a sense of power). You said it yourself: the chemistry with your Type-A boyfriend was intense. If you take on the role of the man, you’ll only end up resenting your husband (seems like you do a bit already). Of course he has to show some willingness to take on that leader role.
Anonymous
January 27, 2012 at 1:37 am
Very much agree with you. Breaking patterns you establish over 12 years, though. How is it done?
Anonymous
January 27, 2012 at 8:03 am
As much as I would like to help you, I can’t. Judging from your other lengthy post, it seems your husband has partially left themarriage already (or grew complacent). But there are always 2 sides to a story like this, and I only know yours.
I was raised to not expect more from a partner than I was willing to give (some christian proverb stuff),
and I have to say if he even doesn’t show basic decency towards you, something is very wrong. And the
daily shower should be no-brainer.
Anonymous
January 27, 2012 at 11:20 am
To Anonymous Woman:
Please don’t give up on your marriage unless you have a REALLY good reason to leave, like your husband is repeatedly unfaithful or has a dangerous drug or alcohol problem and refuses help.
What attracted you to your husband in the first place? Why did you choose your husband over the type A guy you dated before?
Would marriage counseling be able to help? Would your husband be willing to go? You could go alone…
Have you ever watched the movie Fireproof or Courageous? Both of those movies emphasize the sanctity of marriage and Fireproof specifically highlights a marriage that was falling apart but was put back together because ONE of the spouses committed to love the other even in the face of an indifferent attitude from the other. The books associated with these movies are very marriage focused.
Courageous
Fireproof
http://www.amazon.com/Love-Dare-Stephen-Kendrick/dp/0805448853
The Resolution for Women
As for whether or not you would have to pay him child support (let’s hope the divorce never happens, but if it did), I think an attorney specializing in family law would be able to answer that question, as well as being able to estimate what kind of custody you would get (but let’s hope you don’t have to face that). State laws vary greatly.
Anonymous woman, you promised to love this man until your death, or his. Even if your husband doesn’t take his vows seriously, you still can.
I will pray tonight that God will give you WISDOM and STRENGTH to know what you need to do to fix this marriage (your part only because you have no control over your husband) and that God will enable you with the strength to follow through.
Janelle Anderson
January 25, 2012 at 2:05 pm
To Anonymous Woman:
Please don’t give up on your marriage unless you have a REALLY good reason to leave, like your husband is repeatedly unfaithful or has a dangerous drug or alcohol problem and refuses help.
What attracted you to your husband in the first place? Why did you choose your husband over the type A guy you dated before?
Would marriage counseling be able to help? Would your husband be willing to go? You could go alone…
Have you ever watched the movie Fireproof or Courageous? Both of those movies emphasize the sanctity of marriage and Fireproof specifically highlights a marriage that was falling apart but was put back together because ONE of the spouses committed to love the other even in the face of an indifferent attitude from the other. The books associated with these movies are very marriage focused (The Love Dare and The Resolution for Women).
As for whether or not you would have to pay him child support (let’s hope the divorce never happens, but if it did), I think an attorney specializing in family law would be able to answer that question, as well as being able to estimate what kind of custody you would get (but let’s hope you don’t have to face that). State laws vary greatly.
Anonymous woman, you promised to love this man until your death, or his. Even if your husband doesn’t take his vows seriously, you still can.
I will pray tonight that God will give you WISDOM and STRENGTH to know what you need to do to fix this marriage (your part only because you have no control over your husband) and that God will enable you with the strength to follow through.
Janelle Anderson
January 25, 2012 at 3:16 pm
Please, please, PLEASE, don’t take “Fireproof” serious. It’s worse than contemporary soap operas.
Instead, read this criticism of it from a sane guy: http://dalrock.wordpress.com/2011/10/30/firebombed/
Anonymous
January 26, 2012 at 12:05 am
Let’s try it from another angle:
Have you ever — even once — sat down with your husband and asked him “what can I do to make your day easier and show that I care about you?”
Have you ever — even once — shut up long enough for him to get his words out and express his feelings?
Have you ever — even once — done what he asked, simply because you care about him?
CC
January 26, 2012 at 4:37 pm
Wow. Wasn’t expecting that. There are a lot of really angry people here. The only point I was trying to make is that it appears dissatisfaction exists among both sexes regarding marriage. You can draw whatever inferences you choose about me, judge me as a mother, a human. I think it says more about you than about me. I know who I am and what I stand for. The fact remains that there are good and bad marriage partners and you don’t always know what you’re getting. I also was trying to point out that not all women want, are getting or would consider a “free ride” on a man’s finances, nor would they all drag a child and his father through the court systems to “take him down.”
Someone must have hurt you very badly. You can move on. Life doesn’t always turn out the way we want, but you have the ability to change it. I hope you have a nice day CC.
Anonymous
January 25, 2012 at 11:01 am
I’m gonna have to go with CC on this one. You sound like a very controlling high maintenence woman. This is a big turn off to alot of men. Your husband is probably afraid of you because you are such a perfectionist which is why he doesn’t bother helping you out.
Bass
January 25, 2012 at 3:56 pm
>The only point I was trying to make is that it appears dissatisfaction exists among both sexes regarding marriage.
No, the fact that you tried to make was that you were SuperWoman and your husband was a slug. At no point did you take any accountability for yourself or your decisions. Rather, you made a martyr of yourself. And you put your child in daycare to be raised by strangers. Have you any idea the rates of sexual abuse in daycare? Even if she’s not abused, your child will bond emotionally with the strangers in day care … you’re practically asking for an attachment disorder.
>Someone must have hurt you very badly.
So if I’ve been hurt, it somehow invalidates my observation that you didn’t take responsibility for yourself and your decisions, and that you’ve given your child to strangers? Weak sauce, darling.
CC
January 26, 2012 at 4:23 pm
What state do you live in, Anonymous?
>NACCRRA reports that just 10 states require unannounced inspections of child-care centers; only 12 states require caregivers working in child-care centers to have training in early childhood education prior to working with children; and a mere 10 states require caregivers who work from their homes to be licensed.
Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,205917,00.html#ixzz1kc7O4Z6T
CC
January 26, 2012 at 4:27 pm
CC – I can’t leave this one alone. My child goes to a preschool not a day care center. However, I was home (ie, not working) with her for 9 months after her birth so I could continue nursing. After that time, I hired a woman at considerable expense to me (who is now a party of our family) to be with her during the day while I worked from my HOME OFFICE. That’s right, I completely rearranged my work life and home life and “mommy-tracked” myself in order to give my child the best possible start. She was in our home until she was 2 years old – I balanced working with mothering and the babysitter was there so I could attend meetings remotely and get in as much work as I could. But I was there to do every feeding, every diaper change, and to sing a song before every nap.
I had a very hard time sending her to preschool, even at 2 (which is what I referenced in my first note). The child teacher ratio in her class was 1 teacher for every 2 children and there were 8 children in her room. Her individual teacher is a wonderful, moral, upright woman who was trained as a classical musician and has a BA in childhood education. She speaks 3 languages and has become a friend to our family. She raised an amazing family of her own. There are NO males in employment at this school and the remaining child care workers are required to have AT LEAST a BA in childhood education. Additionally, the majority of the women in this school have been there for 15+ years. They are paid an excellent salary and are respected in the community for what they do. My child cries during summer break to think of being separated from her friends and teachers. This school is party of our community as a family, as are the other children and their parents. Moreover, it is like a second-home to her. I have no GUILT about the early years she has spent in this environment and there won’t be anything you’ll say that will change that. But, I think you need to know the facts of people’s lives before juding them.
I know you really just want to engage and enrage, as I’ve seen your responses on other’s posts now.
As far as being superwoman, welll . . . those are your words. But, yeah, I would agree. I do a lot. I’ve worked my ass off, thought very carefully about my career and made good decisions, got two advanced degrees that have enabled me to define my work situation on my terms, and I continue to do this. When most of the girls I knew were getting drunk every weekend and worrying about what to wear to the next shindig, I was studying, reading, and trying to better myself (just a note – there was NO shortage of men willing to run around with these superficial/shallow girls, play their games, and even marry them).
Only after establishing myself did we have a child. I have no idea (as I’m assuming your’e a woman hater without children) how much time, effort, energy, and LOVE has gone into every single decision concerning the welfare of our child since birth. But, these have largely been my decisions and I’m FULLY able to stand by them. So, why is it wrong for a woman in a marriage to a man her equal or to expect to share the burden of household responsibilities in a similar manner? No one is financing anyone in this relationship. We’re talking about 2 people with equally demanding jobs of similar pay raising a family together. As I’ve said, I have enough love and concern for our child to not break and run when every part of me wants to. My life would just be more peaceful (without the resentment and anger) and I’d still be doing the same amount of work. My child’s life would not, so I stay.
I didn’t say my husband was lazy. I did say he doesn’t do anything to help, that he doesn’t appear to appreciate anything that is done for him and that he lacks the initiative to make our life better – and that’s a fact. And, despite your protestations, he’s the one that harps and nags about everything from where a plant is positioned in a room, to how to load the dishwasher, NOT me. He has an opinion about everything and has a no-holds bar approach to sharing it. He does not pay compliments, doesn’t like to socialize, and never asks me a question so much as “how was your day?” The physical relationship is now dead and despite sitting down and telling him, “I know this is ridiculous, but if you paid attention to your hygiene, it might help” – days go by unshowered, no haircuts, old/stained clothes. I am now repulsed. I have dragged him to counseling (which he was willing to do and I really appreciated) but he blames everything on me and I blame everything on him and we get nowhere. I don’t know how other people resolve these things?
To your other point, his birthday was yesterday. I somehow found the time to work all day, clean the house, and host a party for him. I baked a cake for him from scratch, made his favorite meal and delighted in our child’s happiness over the course of the night. So, don’t tell me that I’m not doing things for him, helping, showing appreciation. On my birthday? My mother arranged the whole thing. He showed up late. These aren’t black and white issues. Keeping a marriage and a family together is not easy. I don’t expect it to be. But, it also shouldn’t be a source of your deepest angst all the time. This is the question I’m bringing to the forefront and I expect I’m not alone in my situation.
Last point. Childhood physical and sexual abuse is rampant in HOMES. A child is more likely to be abused my a stepparent and/or a biological parent than a stranger. In the town I grew up in, all of my friends and I knew the 3 CHURCHES that housed the perverted child-molester men. I’ve always wondered what happened to their children. I don’t remember a single incidence of abuse from any of the child care centers around where I grew up. Most of the people, at least back then, who worked there were hard-working, god-fearing, kind-hearted women who were an integral part of the community. I realize that’s not the case and most day care centers now are like child care factories with employees who can’t get other work, with high turn-over rates and less than desirable circumstances all the way around. But, what is a single woman who MUST work and has a low-paying job to do? This becomes a broader question for society as a whole because, in the end, these are NOT individual issues. These are issues which impact our communities and our country, overall. These children do grow up. At least some of them – minus CC.
Anonymous
January 27, 2012 at 7:26 am
Come on CC. This is just asinine. Out of a circle of 10 close friends, 4 of these girls were sexually abused. By whom? Not a day care employee. Their stepfathers/fathers. Weak sauce, my love. Read the actual research not the stuff you make up in your head.
Anonymous
January 27, 2012 at 7:44 am
CC, to get your started:
1.American Medical Association. Child Abuse. From Medem: Medical Library. American Medical Association Web Site.
2.American Medical Association Child Abuse and Neglect. Medem: Medical Library. American Medical Association Web Site.
3.American Medical Association. Diagnostic and Treatment Guidelines on Mental Health Effects of Family Violence. American Medical Association Web Site.
4.American Medical Association. JAMA Patient Page: Protecting Our Children – Sexual Abuse of Children Is Common, and Too Often Undetected. From Medem: Medical Library. American Medical Association Web Site.
5.American Psychological Association. Facts About Family Violence. American Psychological Association Web Site.
6.American Psychological Association. Protecting Our Children From Abuse and Neglect. American Psychological Association Web Site.
7.American Psychological Association. Understanding Child Sexual Abuse: Education, Prevention, and Recovery. American Psychological Association Web Site. October, 1999.
Anonymous
January 27, 2012 at 8:36 am
BTW, I would never tell you which state I live in. Let’s just say I’m quite aware of our state legislature and local laws. Thanks for your interest in getting me up to speed, though.
Anonymous
January 27, 2012 at 7:46 am